how to talk about shadowing in personal statement

How To Describe Your Shadowing Experiences On Your Medical School Application

You’ve worked so hard as a premed student to be competitive and now it’s time to put all your experiences and accomplishments in the medical school primary application.

Whether you are filling out the AMCAS, AACOMAS, or TMDSAS it can be a stressful experience. You have done all the heavy lifting, now you need to figure out how to articulate everything to make your application as competitive as possible.

Let’s tackle one very important topic: Your shadowing experience.

How To Describe Shadowing Experiences

Also, it is helpful to provide specific examples from your shadowing experiences.

There is debate about whether you should include a description or just list the kinds of doctors you shadowed . Some argue that medical school admission committee members don’t have the time to read through hundreds of shadowing experiences. The personal statement is the time to get wordy.

Although brevity is important, you should still include some kind of reflecgion that impacts your view on medicine. It never hurts to use up the 700 character limit to write about your experience.

Should I List All My Shadowing Experiences In One Entry Or Split Them Into Multiple Entries?

You should list all shadowing experiences in one shadowing entry. If you shadowed one physician in particular for many hours , you can make a separate entry for that physician.

You are limited to up to 15 work and activities entries , so if you shadowed a bunch of different doctors, you may not have enough entries for other extracurriculars.

Also, the process of putting in entries gets very repetitive and will take up unnecessary time on your behalf and the person reviewing your application.

AMCAS Shadowing Description Example

If you are looking for more specific example of how to describe your shadowing experience on your AMCAS application, I’ll walk you through it here.

We recommend this format:

First list the doctors you shadowed, their specialty, their facility, when you shadowed them, and how many hours you shadowed them for.

Dallas Presbyterian Hospital (July 2018 – August 2018) – 40 hours

Dr. John Doe, Orthopedic Surgeon

(Then you would list each other physician under a similar format)

Then include a brief reflection on your shadowing experiences.

What struck me the most while shadowing these physicians was the dynamic between the physician and his or her patient during a time when they are vulnerable. I was also amazed by the number of unique cases that came through and how the physicians I shadowed worked with such a diverse group of patients while giving each person the best possible healthcare. I also witnessed the hardships of being a physician that I could encounter in my career: Giving patients bad news, being on call in the middle of the night, and being unable to save someone after trying everything.

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How Do You Describe Your Online Shadowing Experience ?

If you are applying during the COVID pandemic you may be forced to do some online shadowing.

The key to describing your online shadowing experience is to try to describe the experience like you are actually there and not a removed passive observer.

Admission committee members know that the pandemic made it hard for many premed students to receive in-person shadowing experiences. Instead of mentioning how the pandemic restrictions made it difficult for you to shadow anyone, focus on describing your online shadowing experience like a real shadowing experience.

Remember, excuses are never a good thing when it comes to applying to medical school.

Should You Include Shadowing Experiences In Your Primary Or Secondary Essays?

This really depends on how much your shadowing experiences impacted your decision to pursue medicine. Your medical school personal statement should include the most meaningful experiences you had that led you to decide to apply to medical school.

Every medical school will have different prompts for your secondary essays so you may find that you will have more opportunities to include your shadowing experiences in those.

Remember, you are allowed to describe your shadowing experiences in the work and activities section of the medical school application. Therefore, don’t feel like you need to include it in any essay unless it can add serious value to your statement.

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By allylovesu August 14, 2012 in Personal Statements

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2024 Medical School Personal Statement Ultimate Guide (220+ Examples)

220+ medical school personal statement examples, plus a step-by-step guide to writing a unique essay and an analysis of a top-5 medical school personal statement.

how to talk about shadowing in personal statement

Part 1: Introduction to the medical school personal statement

Part 2: a step-by-step approach to writing an amazing medical school personal statement, part 3: in-depth analysis of a top-5 medical school personal statement, part 4: unique vs. clichéd medical school personal statements: 10 key differences, appendix: medical school personal statement examples.

You probably know someone who achieved a solid GPA and MCAT score , conducted research, shadowed physicians, engaged in meaningful volunteer work, and met all the other medical school requirements , yet still got rejected by every school they applied to.

You may have even heard of someone who was rejected by over 30 medical schools or who was shut out by every program two years in a row, despite doing “all the right things.”

It’s also common to come across people who have incredibly high stats (e.g., a 3.8 GPA and a 518 MCAT score) but didn’t get into a top-10 or top-20 medical school.

With stories like these and the scary statistic that over 60% of medical school applicants do not matriculate into medical school in any given year , it’s hard not to be anxious about the admissions process and wonder how you’ll ever get into medical school .

We bet you’ve puzzled over why so many qualified applicants are rejected beyond the fact that there are too few spots. After all, you’ve noticed how some applicants receive many interview invitations and acceptances, whereas others receive few or none.

The main reason why many qualified applicants are rejected from every med school—or significantly underperform expectations based on their admissions profile—is that they do not stand out on their application essays.

While the need to stand out holds true for every piece of written material on your applications, your personal statement is the single most important essay you will have to write during your admissions process. It’s especially important to get right because it allows you to show admissions committees how your story sets you apart among other qualified candidates (i.e., your competition). Moreover, the quality of your personal statement has a significant influence on your admissions success.

Of course, this means that writing a great medical school personal statement comes with a lot of pressure.

Gain instant access to the most in-depth personal statement resources available so you can write an essay that stands out. Subscribe today to lock in the current investments, which will soon increase for new subscribers. (Note: You can end your subscription at any time and retain access to the content through the end of the period for which you signed up.)

Medical school personal statement challenges and opportunities

As you prepare to write, you’re probably concerned about:

Choosing the “right” topic

Making sure your essay is unique and not clichéd

Your essay clearly highlighting why you want to go into medicine

Whether it’s what admissions committees are looking for

The good news is that the AMCAS personal statement prompt—“Use the space provided to explain why you want to go to medical school”—is intentionally vague and gives you the opportunity to write about anything you want in up to 5,300 characters (including spaces). If you’re wondering how many words 5,300 characters comes out to, it roughly corresponds to 500 words or 1.5 single-spaced pages.

In other words, you have complete control over how you show admissions committees the following:

Who you are beyond your numbers and your resume (i.e., why you? )

The reasons you want to go into medicine (i.e., why medicine? )

Struggling to write your med school personal statement?

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Thank you! Your guide is on its way. In the meantime, please let us know how we can help you crack the the medical school admissions code . You can also learn more about our 1-on-1 medical school admissions support here .

Medical school personal statement character limits

Remember that admissions committees want to accept people , not just a collection of GPAs, MCAT scores, and premed extracurricular activities. Your personal statement and other written materials must therefore clearly highlight the specific qualities and experiences that would make you an excellent physician.

If your essay does this, you’ll have a leg up on other applicants. On the other hand, a clichéd personal statement will bore admissions readers and consequently make them less interested in admitting you.

Put another way, your personal statement is your best opportunity to stand out—or to look like everyone else who reads tons of sample essays, tries to “play it safe” with boring anecdotes, and ends up in the rejection pile.

What this personal statement guide covers

As you begin drafting your essay, you might find yourself perusing countless medical school personal statement examples online, at your college’s premed counseling office, or from friends who applied to med school a year or two ago. But remember that the sample personal statements you find on Student Doctor Network, Reddit , premed blogs, or at your college’s pre-health advising center are the same ones that everyone else is looking at and attempting to imitate!

To help you avoid common pitfalls and write a memorable personal statement, we wrote a comprehensive guide to help you get one step closer to earning your white coat rather than having to reapply to med school .

At a high level, this guide covers the following:

A step-by-step approach to producing a standout personal statement (Part 2)

A paragraph-by-paragraph analysis of a top-5 personal statement (Part 3)

Key differences that separate unique vs. clichéd personal statements (Part 4)

Medical school personal statement examples (Appendix)

Upon reviewing this guide, you’ll have all the information you need to go from having no topic ideas to producing a personal, meaningful, and polished essay. Throughout the guide, you’ll also come across various “special sections” that address common questions and concerns we’ve received from applicants over the years.

And if you’re left with lingering questions about how to write a personal statement for medical school, just submit them in the comments section at the end of the guide so we can answer them, usually within 24 hours.

Without further ado, it’s time to begin the writing process.

When should I begin to write my med school personal statement?

The earliest we recommend you begin working on your personal statement is fall of your junior year. That way, even if you decide to go to med school straight through (i.e., without taking a gap year or two), you will have completed a bulk of the extracurriculars that you will cover on your application and will also have an essay that describes your current thoughts and feelings about medicine. But regardless of whether you apply straight through or apply post-undergrad, it’s a good idea to begin working on your personal statement during the fall or winter preceding your application cycle (e.g., start writing your essay between September 2023 and January 2024 if you intend to apply during the 2024-2025 application cycle) so that you have plenty of time to write a great essay and can take full advantage of rolling admissions by submitting your primary application early.

Before writing, the typical applicant does two things:

Pulls up their resume and attempts to identify the experience that is “most unique” or “most authentic”

Searches for essay sample after essay sample, hoping to be inspired by someone else’s writing

Eventually, students begin to read every sample essay they can get their hands on, hoping that consuming countless examples will give them the “aha moment” they need to produce their own personal statement.

Here’s the problem: Without understanding why an essay is strong, you risk producing a cliché essay based on some “template” you came across.

With this “template approach,” you’ll risk making your essay sound like someone else’s, which is a sure-fire way of producing a clunky or clichéd essay. This is precisely why we included the numerous sample medical school personal statement essays at the end of this guide.

We also don’t believe that reviewing your CV or thinking through your personal experiences to identify the “most unique” topic ideas is a valuable approach to brainstorming your personal statement. This “resume-first” approach tends to lead to writing an introduction that may not communicate your intended message, especially because it might not flow with the remainder of your experiences.

So, what should your personal statement include? Over the years, our students have found the most success by taking our “qualities-first” approach—thinking through the impression they want to leave on adcoms and then selecting the experiences that best highlight those qualities.

The myth of the "perfect topic"

Every topic can lead to a standout or average personal statement, depending on how compellingly you write it. In other words, there's no such thing as a "good" or "bad" essay topic, only strong or weak execution. Many students delay working on their personal statement until they discover the “perfect topic,” but no such topic exists. We’ve read incredible essays and weak essays on pretty much every topic. What mattered was how the writer linked the topic with their personal path to medicine. We should reinforce a point mentioned in passing in the previous paragraph: pretty much every medical school personal statement topic has been used at this point. You can stand out by sharing your personal stories, unique insights, and eye-opening experiences, not by writing about a brand-new topic, as so few exist.

How to write a great personal statement introduction (Goal: Engage the reader)

Before you begin to write, we recommend that you:

Develop a list of qualities you want to demonstrate; and

Think of events or situations that highlight these qualities.

Then , you should write about one of these events or situations in a way that demonstrates these qualities and captures the reader’s attention.

Does my personal statement need to have a "hook"?

The short answer: Yes. But as with most things related to medical school admissions, the answer is more complicated. A "hook" is a sentence or story, typically presented in the opening paragraph, intended to grab the reader's attention. Because adcoms read tons of applications each year, it's important that they're engaged from the start. Otherwise, it's very likely that they will discount the remainder of your personal statement and your odds of getting into their school will drop precipitously. Unfortunately, many medical school applicants go overboard and force a dramatic story in hopes of presenting a hook—a trauma they observed in the ER, an emotional moment with a patient, and so on. The story might be marginally associated with the rest of their essay but will largely be viewed as a cheap way to capture attention. To be clear, there is nothing inherently wrong with discussing a difficult medical counter, personal difficulty, or any other particular type of story. However, your selection must be associated with the qualities you want to demonstrate across your entire essay and serve as its foundation. In addition, your hook need not be your opening sentence. It could be the entire first paragraph, a cliffhanger at the end of your opening paragraph, or even a second paragraph that was set up by the first. The goal is simply to ensure that you're engaging your reader early and setting the tone for the remainder of your essay.

Step 1: List your greatest qualities.

To answer the personal statement prompt more easily, focus again on the question of what you want admissions committees to know about you beyond your numbers and achievements.

We’re not talking about your hobbies (e.g., “I followed Taylor Swift to every concert she performed in the U.S. during this past year”), although you could certainly point to aspects of your lifestyle in your essay to make your point.

Instead, we’re talking about which of your qualities –character, personality traits, attitudes–you want to demonstrate. Examples include:

Extraordinary compassion

Willingness to learn

Great listening skills

Knowledge-seeking

Persistence

And so on. If you have difficulty thinking of your great qualities (many students do), ask family members or close friends what you’re good at and why they like you. It might be awkward, but this exercise really helps because others tend to view us very differently from how we view ourselves.

Finally, choose the two or three qualities that you want to focus on in your personal statement. Let’s use compassion and knowledge-seeking as the foundational qualities of an original example for this guide.

We cannot overstate how important it is to think of the qualities you want to demonstrate in your personal statement before choosing a situation or event to write about. Students who decide on an event or situation first usually struggle to fit in their qualities within the confines of their story. This is one of the biggest medical school personal statement mistakes we see students make.

On the other hand, students who choose the qualities they want to convey first are easily able to demonstrate them because the event or situation they settle on naturally highlights these qualities.

I listed several qualities I can demonstrate, but I'm not sure which to choose. Can you say more?

Your personal statement represents just one part of your much larger application. You'll have opportunities to demonstrate several of your great qualities through your AMCAS Work and Activities section, your secondary essays, and even your interviews. Therefore, any two or three qualities you want to convey through your personal statement will work; don't stress about figuring out the "perfect" ones, as no such thing exists. And when in doubt, ask family members and friends.

Step 2: When or where have you demonstrated these qualities?

Now that we’re off our soapbox and you’ve chosen qualities to highlight, it’s time to list any event(s) or setting(s) where you’ve demonstrated them.

We should explicitly mention that this event or setting doesn't need to come from a clinical experience (e.g., shadowing a physician , interacting with a young adult patient at a cancer center, working with children in an international clinic) or a research experience (e.g., making a major finding in cancer research during your gap year ), although it’s okay if it involves an extracurricular activity directly related to medicine.

In fact, since most students start their essays by describing clinical or research experiences, starting off with something else–travel (e.g., a camping trip in Yellowstone), volunteering (e.g., building homes in New Orleans), family (e.g., spending time with and learning from your elderly and ill grandmother back home in New Hampshire), work (e.g., helping out at your parents’ donut shop)–can help you immediately stand out.

Let’s start with the example of building homes in New Orleans. Why? Because we could easily demonstrate compassion and knowledge-seeking through this experience. Notice how the qualities we select can choose the story for us?

Step 3: Describe your event as a story.

Here’s where the art of writing a great personal statement really comes in.

Admissions officers read thousands of essays, most of which are very clichéd or dry. Therefore, it’s critical that you stand out by engaging the reader from the very beginning. The best way by far to capture admissions officers’ attention early is by developing a story about the event or situation you chose in Step 2 at the start of your essay.

Keep in mind, however, that the same event can be written about in a boring or engaging way. Therefore, the story or topic you choose is less important than how you pull it off.

Let’s look at an actual example of how the same event can be described in a routine vs. compelling manner:

One of my most eye-opening experiences came when I volunteered with Habitat for Humanity in New Orleans during the summer months of 2014. Up to that point, I had only heard about the destruction caused by Hurricane Katrina nine years earlier. Although pictures and stories of the aftermath compelled me to volunteer, it was not until I observed the emotional pounding the people of New Orleans had experienced that I developed a greater sense of compassion for their plight.

Compelling:

New Orleans was hot and humid during the summer months of 2014–no surprise there. However, for a native Oregonian like me, waking up to 90-degree and 85%-humidity days initially seemed like too much to bear. That was until I reflected on the fact that my temporary discomfort was minute in contrast to the destruction of communities and emotional pounding experienced by the people of New Orleans during and after Hurricane Katrina nine years earlier. Although pictures and stories of the aftermath compelled me to understand its effects on the community and volunteer, actually building homes and interacting with the locals, like nine-year-old Jermaine, who cried as I held his hand while we unveiled his rebuilt home, taught me that caring for people was as much about lifting spirits as making physical improvements.

Many people may feel the routine example is pretty good. Upon closer look, however, it seems that:

The focus is as much on New Orleanians as the applicant

The story is not particularly relatable (unless the reader had also volunteered there)

There isn’t much support for the writer actually being touched by the people there

On the other hand, the compelling example:

Keeps the spotlight on the applicant throughout (e.g., references being from Oregon, discusses her reflections, interacting with Jermaine)

Has a relatable plot (e.g., temporary discomfort, changing perspectives)

Is authentic (e.g., provides an example of how she lifted spirits)

Does my essay need to have an “aha moment,” that is, the moment when I decided to become a doctor? I’ve noticed that so many medical school personal statement examples include one.

Your essay does not need to include an “aha moment.” In fact, many of the best med school personal statements we’ve read do not include such a moment. Students who believe they need to mention an “aha moment” in their personal statement are typically falling into the trap of writing what they believe the reader wants. But frankly, the reader simply wants to learn about your personal and professional path to medicine. We’ve polled many students over the years about whether they had an experience that immediately switched them on to medicine. Our findings indicate that only 10 percent of students have experienced a moment where they knew they wanted to become a doctor and never looked back. The other 90 percent either knew they wanted to become a physician since childhood, had a growing interest in medicine over years, or came to the realization during or after college.

Step 4: Demonstrate your qualities.

(Note: This section applies to all aspects of your essay.)

“Show, don’t tell” is one of the most common pieces of advice given for writing personal statements, but further guidance or examples are rarely provided to demonstrate what it looks like when done well.

This is unfortunate because the best way to understand how standout personal statements demonstrate qualities through an engaging story is by reading two examples of the same situation: one that “tells” about a quality, and another that “shows” a quality.

Let’s revisit the last sentence of each story example we provided in the previous section to better understand this distinction.

Telling (from the routine story):

…it was not until I observed the emotional pounding the people of New Orleans had experienced that I developed a greater sense of compassion for their plight.

Showing (from the compelling story):

…actually building homes and interacting with the locals, like 9 year-old Jermaine, who cried as I held his hand while we unveiled his rebuilt home, taught me that caring for people…

Notice how the second example demonstrates compassion without ever mentioning the word “compassion” (hence no bolded words)? Moreover, the same sentence demonstrates knowledge-seeking:

Although pictures and stories of the aftermath compelled me to understand its effects on the community and volunteer, actually building homes and interacting with the locals ...

That’s what you’re going for.

Think about it. Whom do you consider to be more kind:

A person who says, “I’m really nice!”; or

A person who you've observed doing nice things for others?

Clearly, the second person will be viewed as more kind, even if there's no real-world difference between their levels of kindness. Therefore, by demonstrating your qualities, you will come across as more impressive and authentic to admissions committees.

Is it ever okay to tell in a medical school personal statement?

Telling, rather than showing, is okay in your first couple of drafts so that you get something on paper. The purpose of engaging in a robust revision process is to help you chisel out the main ideas you wish to convey and communicate them in the most effective way possible. Furthermore, telling is sometimes the most efficient way to convey certain information. For example, background information about people or situations in your essay can be told as this will move the narrative along and save valuable characters. However, if your final draft is full of instances of telling instead of showing, you likely haven’t thought through your experiences enough. Showing demonstrates a robust thought process that the writer has gone through and signals to adcoms this is an intelligent and thoughtful applicant who can bring a substantial amount of value to their institution, not to mention the profession of medicine itself. Further, showing generally makes for a more engaging and memorable reading experience. Sensory details and personal anecdotes will be more memorable for adcoms than general statements.

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How to write strong personal statement body paragraphs (Goal: Describe your path to medicine)

After writing your opening paragraph to engage the reader, it’s time to write the meat and potatoes of your personal statement. Specifically, it’s time to discuss experiences that helped you grow and led to you to pursue medicine.

What should be avoided in a medical school personal statement?

Put differently, "What should you not talk about in your personal statement?" There are no specific topics that you should definitely avoid in your essay. Unfortunately, you will hear many people tell you not to bring up certain things—a parent who is a physician, a physical health or mental health condition, sports participation, volunteering abroad, etc. However, all of these anecdotes or topics can be the foundation for strong personal statements as well as weak ones; what matters is your writing approach.

Step 5: Discuss your most formative experiences that led you to medicine.

Return to your list from Step 2 (When or where have you demonstrated these qualities?) and choose one to three more experiences/areas (e.g., research, clinical work) that led you to medicine.

Why choose no more than four experiences total?

Because you should be aiming for depth over breadth (remember, you’re working with a 5,300-character limit for both AMCAS (MD application) and AACOMAS (DO application). Rather than discuss everything you’ve done, apply the following five-step formula to expand on key experiences in the body paragraphs of your personal statement:

Discuss why you pursued the experience

Mention how you felt during the experience

Describe what you accomplished and learned

Discuss how your experience affected you and the world around you

Describe how the experience influenced your decision to pursue medicine

Does the guidance in this resource apply to DO personal statements as well?

Yes, for the most part. We cover similarities and differences between AMCAS and AACOMAS personal statements in detail in our MD vs. DO guide . The general themes and writing styles of your personal statement can be similar if you’re applying to both types of schools. Also, since 2019, AACOMAS increased the length of personal statements they will accept to match AMCAS at 5,300 characters. The biggest difference between the two will be how you target the underlying philosophies of the practice of medicine in your essay. You know that osteopathic medicine uses a more holistic approach, so you’ll have to rethink your essay to better appeal to adcoms at a DO school.

Below are two examples–one routine and one compelling–to demonstrate how to achieve this:

Shadowing the neurosurgeons at Massachusetts General Hospital and witnessing their unwavering dedication to their patients and patients’ families helped me realize that I wanted to make a similar impact on people's lives.

This sentence doesn't answer the “Why medicine?” question (for example, you could greatly impact people's lives through law or teaching), nor does it demonstrate your qualities (although it makes the neurosurgeons look really good).

I was initially frustrated while shadowing neurosurgeons and caring for patients (e.g., conversing with them during downtime and providing anything in my power to make them comfortable, such as extra pillows, water, or snacks) at Massachusetts General Hospital because many patients recovered very slowly–and sometimes not at all. I wondered whether these experiences would deter me from pursuing medicine. Therefore, I was surprised when the opposite occurred. The physicians’ unwavering dedication to their patients and families' expressed gratitude–even in their saddest days–provided more than enough confirmation that medicine was the path I should pursue to make a similar physical and emotional impact on people's lives.

By going deeper about an experience, this example allowed the student to convey:

How they felt (“I was initially frustrated while shadowing…”)

How they were affected (“…the opposite [of determent] occurred”)

How they were influenced to pursue medicine specifically

Collectively, the student demonstrated their compassion, personal growth, and desire to pursue medicine.

(Note: Discuss your formative experiences in the body paragraphs in chronological order, as long as it doesn’t disrupt your essay’s flow. For example, if you choose to write about one experience in 2014 and another in 2013, write about your 2013 experience first, even if you wrote about the 2014 experience in your introductory paragraph. Having a clear timeline makes it easier for the reader to follow along.)

How many experiences should I cover in my personal statement?

If you’re like most students, you should cover somewhere between three and four personal or professional experiences in your personal statement. Beyond four, and you risk covering too much and not achieving sufficient depth; your essay might read like a narrative. Fewer than three, and your experience descriptions might get too wordy. That said, every essay is different, so you might be able to write a fantastic personal statement with fewer than three experiences or more than four. In fact, one of the best personal statements we’ve ever helped a student produce focused on a single 24-hour time period that spanned two separate experiences.

How to write a memorable medical school personal statement conclusion (Goal: Tie it all together)

It’s (almost) time to end your personal statement and move on!

The concluding paragraph should highlight three things:

Your positive qualities (you can mention them explicitly here rather than “show” them)

Perspectives gained from your formative experiences

Your passion for medicine

Additionally, the best essays somehow refer to their introductory paragraph’s story to “close the loop.”

Step 6: Reemphasize your qualities, perspectives, and passions.

Focusing on experiences in your introduction and body paragraphs that convey your greatest qualities helps you develop a consistent theme throughout your essay. It also makes closing your essay much easier.

To demonstrate this, we’ll show you how New Orleans volunteering and neurosurgery shadowing can be tied together to reemphasize compassion and knowledge-seeking, highlight perspectives gained, and communicate a strong desire to pursue medicine.

The consistent theme throughout my extracurricular work is that, whereas I initially pursue experiences–clinical, volunteer, or otherwise–to learn, what sticks with me even more than newfound knowledge is the compassion I develop for the people I serve. Furthermore, I have realized that there is a multitude of ways to serve, such as treating people’s physical ailments, offering empathy for anxious family members, or leaving my comfort zone to help a struggling community. These perspectives, coupled with my lifelong fascination with the human body’s complexities, leave no doubt that medicine is the path through which I want to use my abilities to make a positive holistic impact on people’s lives. I hope 9-year-old Jermaine knows that I was equally touched by his gratitude for a rebuilt home, and how his reaction was partly responsible for me devoting my career to help others feel the way he did on that hot and muggy summer day.

Let’s see whether this concluding paragraph checks all three boxes:

Positive qualities (“knowledge-seeking” and “compassion,”): check

Perspectives gained from formative experiences (“…realized that there is a multitude of ways to serve”): check

Passion for medicine (“medicine is the path through which I want to use my abilities to make a positive holistic impact on people’s lives”): check

This paragraph also gets bonus points for looping Jermaine in one final time.

Essay conquered.

Does the guidance in this resource apply to TMDSAS personal statements as well?

Yes, though the TMDSAS personal statement offers a 5000-character limit vs. 5300 characters for AMCAS and AACOMAS. You can learn more about the Texas medical school application by reading our TMDSAS guide , which includes examples of a successful personal statement, personal characteristics essay, and optional essay.

Final thoughts

Your medical school personal statement offers a unique opportunity to share your story and describe your path to medicine–however you want to.

Rather than dive right in and list the extracurricular experiences that you think will most impress admissions committees, consider what impression you want to leave them with. In other words, which of your qualities do you want to be remembered for?

Once you've identified your defining qualities, the task of communicating why you are specifically fit for medicine becomes much easier. Through engaging stories, you can leave no doubt in readers' minds that you're not only qualified for this field, but also the right person for the job.

If you've ever read an article or forum post offering “tips” on how to write a great medical school personal statement, you've probably been given clichéd advice with very little supporting information, like:

“Be yourself”

“Offer a unique angle”

“Show, don’t tell”

“Get personal”

“Don’t use clichés”

“Be interesting”

“Check for grammar and spelling errors”

And so on. Here’s what usually happens when you read tips like these: You understand the information, but you’re still stuck in the same place you were before reading the article. You continue to stare at the blank document on your computer, hoping you’ll have an “aha moment.”

Unfortunately, “aha moments” rarely, if ever, come. Much more typically, students procrastinate and/or end up writing about extracurricular and personal experiences that they think admissions committees (adcoms) will be impressed by.

The problem is that if you don’t get your personal statement right, you can compromise your entire application.

If you’re a high-achieving applicant with a strong GPA , MCAT score , and rich extracurricular activities , you may get into less desirable schools than you’d hoped. If you’re an applicant on the borderline, you may not get in at all.

On the other hand, writing a powerful medical school personal statement provides adcoms insights into who you are as a person and as a budding physician. More importantly, it helps maximize your odds of admission in an increasingly competitive process.

We want you to be part of this latter group so that you can get into the best schools possible. Therefore, we figured it would be valuable to share a paragraph-by-paragraph analysis of a medical school personal statement that helped one of our students get into their dream school, which also happens to be ranked in the top 5 of the U.S. News & World Report Best Medical Schools rankings.

Throughout the analysis, we apply our internal essay evaluation framework, QPUD , which stands for the following:

You can apply the QPUD framework to analyze your own writing. You’ll soon learn that the best personal statements aren’t produced by accident, but rather through multiple thoughtful iterations.

Struggling to write your med school application essays?

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Full-length medical school personal statement with analysis

Before we get into the weeds with our analysis, we encourage you to read the personal statement example in its entirety. As you go through it, you should keep the following questions in mind:

Does the applicant demonstrate qualities that are desirable in a physician? If so, which ones?

Is the personal statement mostly about the applicant, or other people?

Could anyone else have written this personal statement, or is it unique to the applicant?

Does the personal statement cover too much, or is there real depth ?

Here’s the personal statement sample:

Sure, it was a little more crowded, cluttered, and low-tech, but Mr. Jackson’s biology classroom at David Starr Jordan High School in South Los Angeles seemed a lot like the one in which I first learned about intermolecular forces and equilibrium constants. Subconsciously, I just assumed teaching the 11th graders about the workings of the cardiovascular system would go smoothly. Therefore, I was shocked when in my four-student group, I could only get Nate’s attention; Cameron kept texting, Mercedes wouldn’t end her FaceTime call, and Juanita was repeatedly distracted by her friends. After unsuccessfully pleading for the group’s attention a few times, I realized the students weren’t wholly responsible for the disconnect. Perhaps the problem was one of engagement rather than a lack of interest since their focus waned when I started using terminology—like vena cava—that was probably gibberish to them. So, I drew a basic square diagram broken into quarters for the heart and a smiley face for the body’s cells that needed oxygen and nutrients. I left out structure names to focus on how four distinct chambers kept the oxygenated and deoxygenated blood separate, prompting my students with questions like, “What happens after the smiley face takes the oxygen?” This approach enabled my students to draw conclusions themselves. We spent much of class time going through the figure-8 loop, but their leaning over the table to see the diagram more clearly and blurting out answers demonstrated their engagement and fundamental understanding of the heart as a machine. My elation was obvious when they remembered it the following week.

Ever since my middle school robotics days when a surgeon invited us to LAC+USC Medical Center to unwrap Tootsie rolls with the da Vinci surgical system, I’ve felt that a physician’s role goes beyond serving patients and families. I feel an additional responsibility to serve as a role model to younger students—especially teenagers—who may be intrigued by STEM fields and medicine. Furthermore, my experience in Mr. Jackson’s classroom demonstrated the substantial benefits of assessing specific individuals’ needs even when it requires diverging slightly from the structured plan. Being flexible to discover how to best engage my students, in some ways, parallels the problem-solving aspect I love about medicine.

Clinical experiences go even further by beautifully merging this curiosity-satisfying side of medicine with what I feel is most fulfilling: the human side of care provision. My experience with a tiny three-year-old boy and his mother in genetics clinic confirmed the importance of the latter. Not only was I excited to meet him because he presented with a rare condition, but also because he and his chromosomal deletion had been the focus of my recent clinical case report, published in Genetics in Medicine. While researching his dysmorphic features and disabilities, other patients with similar deletions, and the possible genes contributing to his symptoms, I stayed up until 4 AM for several weeks, too engrossed to sleep. What was more exciting than learning about the underlying science, however, was learning about the opportunity to meet the boy and his mother in person and share my findings with them.

As soon as I walked into the examination room, I noticed the mother avoiding eye contact with the genetic counselor while clutching her son to her chest. I sensed her anxiety and disinterest in hearing about my research conclusions. The impact of her son’s condition on their daily lives probably transcended the scientific details in my report. So despite my desire to get into the science, I restrained myself from overwhelming her. Instead, I asked her to share details about the wonderful interventions she had procured for her son—speech and physical therapy, sign language lessons, special feeds, etc. Through our conversations, I realized that she was really looking for reassurance—for doing a great job caring for her son. I validated her efforts and offered relief that there were other families navigating similar difficulties. As the appointment progressed, I observed her gradually relaxing. Rather than feel weighed down by the research findings I was eager to get off my chest, I felt light as well.

At the end of the appointment, the mom offered to let me hold her son, who gazed back at me with his bright blue eyes. While cradling the little boy humanized the medical details, the mother’s gesture displayed profound trust. Above all, this experience allowed me to recognize that interactions between a patient plus family and their doctor are more than intermediary vehicles to treatment; they are critical and beneficial in their own right. Learning this affirmed my longstanding desire and eagerness to become a physician. While research is essential and will surely always trigger my curiosity, I want my work to transcend the lab bench. Specifically, I want to continue engaging with patients and helping them through life’s difficult moments—with physical treatment and genuine support. And since working with each patient constitutes an entirely different experience, I know my medical career will never cease to be fulfilling.

(Word count: 835; Character count: 5,223)

What if some of the experiences I choose to write about in my essay aren't directly related to medicine?

No worries. Medical school admissions committees look to admit individuals with qualities befitting good doctors. These qualities can be demonstrated through experiences directly related to medicine, as well as through experiences that seemingly have little to do with medicine but cast a very positive light on you. That said, your personal statement should include at least one experience directly related to medicine. In your essay, you'll want to briefly describe how your interest in medicine developed, followed by how you consistently pursued that interest.

Now, let’s analyze the entire personal statement paragraph by paragraph and answer the questions posed above.

Paragraph 1

The applicant does a great job of engaging the reader. While reading the paragraph, it’s easy to get transported to the classroom setting they describe due to the level of detail provided. (e.g., “crowded, cluttered, and low-tech,” “Cameron kept texting, Mercedes wouldn’t end her FaceTime call…,” “leaning over the table”) The applicant also highlights their service work in the community, and hints that the school may be in an underserved part of town.

The applicant contrasts the chaotic, distracted classroom with the attention and enthusiasm students exhibit after their educational intervention. This “transformation” reflects positively on the applicant because it demonstrates that they can get creative in addressing a difficult situation.

At this point, we don’t yet know about the applicant’s passion for medicine, but we learn about their interest in biology, teaching, serving, and working directly with people. All of these activities can be pursued through medicine, so the transition to medicine later in their personal statement can be seamless.

Q: Does the applicant demonstrate qualities that are desirable in a physician? If so, which ones?

Patient, assumes responsibility, flexible (e.g., “I realized the students weren’t wholly responsible for the disconnect. Perhaps the problem was one of engagement rather than a lack of interest since their focus waned when I started using terminology—like vena cava—that was probably gibberish to them. So, I drew a basic square diagram…”)

Commitment to helping students/people learn and understand (e.g., “prompting my students with questions…,” “My elation was obvious when they remembered it the following week.”)

P: Is the paragraph mostly about the applicant, or other people?

While the applicant discusses others in the introduction (e.g., the 11th graders, Nate, Juanita), there’s no question that they are the primary and most interesting character in the paragraph.

U: Could anyone else have written this paragraph, or is it unique to the applicant?

Although all competitive applicants participate in service work—many within schools—the writer makes this paragraph their own by doing the following:

Including highly specific details about the setting, environment, and students

Describing their thoughts, insights, and emotions whenever possible

D: Does the paragraph cover too much, or is there real depth?

This paragraph is a model of depth. The applicant describes how they taught a single biology lesson during a single class period at a single school. It doesn’t get much more focused than that.

Does my personal statement's introduction paragraph story have to be about an experience during college or beyond?

Not necessarily. That said, if you write your introduction about an earlier-than-college experience, you'll want to quickly transition to your college and post-college years. While medical schools want to learn about your most formative experiences, they really want to know about who you are today.

Paragraph 2

The applicant effectively uses the second paragraph to provide context, about their early interest in medicine and in mentoring youth. It becomes clear, therefore, why the applicant started off their essay writing about a teaching experience in an 11th-grade classroom.

In addition, the applicant quickly transitions from a non-medical service experience to introduce reasons behind their interest in medicine. For example, the applicant describes how they intend to serve patients and families through the field, as well as scratch their own problem-solving itch to help people.

Another important piece to highlight is how the applicant uses showing vs. telling differently across the first two paragraphs. Whereas the introductory paragraph primarily shows qualities (e.g., “So, I drew a basic square diagram…”), the second paragraph primarily tells (e.g., “Being flexible to discover how to best engage my students…”).

Because the applicant proved their flexibility in the introduction (i.e., by showing it), they can claim to be flexible here (i.e., by telling it). On the other hand, if the applicant called themselves flexible from the outset without providing evidence, they may have come across as arrogant or unobservant.

Beyond describing their early interest in medicine (i.e., “Ever since my middle school robotics days when a surgeon invited us to LAC+USC Medical Center…” there is little demonstration of qualities here. Nevertheless, the goals for this paragraph—transition to medicine, describe at a high level what draws them to medicine, set up later stories about problem solving—are clearly achieved.

The second paragraph highlights hypothetical individuals (e.g., patients and families, specific individuals) to describe the applicant’s medical interests.

Between the early experience observing the da Vinci surgical system and continuing the discussion of Mr. Jackson’s classroom, it would be very difficult for another applicant to convincingly replicate this paragraph.

The applicant certainly covers more experiences here than in the intro, but they do so to bridge the service discussion with the upcoming discussion of medical experiences. Notice also how this paragraph is intentionally kept short. The goal isn’t to get too deep into their middle school experiences, or to do more telling than necessary. Make the transition and move on so you can achieve more depth later.

Does my med school personal statement need to discuss a challenge I experienced?

It’s a common misconception to think that you have to highlight some major adversity to sound impressive. It’s true that some students have experienced greater challenges than others and their process of overcoming those challenges has led them to develop qualities befitting a great doctor. But what matters is your ability to discuss your commitment to becoming a physician and the insights you developed about your place in the medical field via personal and extracurricular experiences.

Paragraph 3

The third paragraph immediately builds off of the preceding one by letting the reader know that even more fulfilling than satisfying their own curiosity (and problem solving) is providing care to real people. This is a very important disclosure because the reader may be wondering what the applicant’s primary motivation is. As a medical school applicant, you must convey a “people first” attitude.

The applicant then dives right into what sounds like a fascinating research experience that not only results in a publication (to be discussed further in their AMCAS Work and Activities section ), but also leads to actually meeting the patient with the rare genetic condition. The applicant’s approach clearly integrates their passion for research and clinical work.

The paragraph also ends with a strong “hook.” The admissions reader is left wondering how the meeting with the boy and his mother went, so they will continue to read attentively.

Curious and hard-working (e.g., “While researching his dysmorphic features and disabilities, other patients with similar deletions, and the possible genes contributing to his symptoms, I stayed up until 4 AM for several weeks, too engrossed to sleep”)

Accomplished (e.g., “my recent clinical case report, published in Genetics in Medicine .”)

Once again, the applicant does a masterful job of incorporating storytelling and other characters (i.e., the boy and his mother) to convey the qualities that will make them a great doctor. In other words, this paragraph isn’t really about the boy and his mother, but rather how the applicant prepped for their meeting with them.

Between the upcoming meeting with the three-year-old boy and his mother, researching the boy’s genetic condition, and getting published in a specific journal, it’s basically impossible to replicate this paragraph.

The applicant maintains focus on how their interest in service and research can be applied to help real people. They take it one step further by highlighting a specific time when they did just that. There is no additional fluff, tangential information, or competing storylines.

How do you write a hook for a medical school personal statement?

Tomes could be written discussing this very topic. The best way to hook a reader in your personal statement is to open with something interesting and engaging. A good hook will leave an emotional impression on them, thereby implanting your narrative in their memory. Of course, this is easier said than done. Writing a good hook is tricky because you want to strike the right balance between intriguing and naturally engaging. You can leave an emotional impression without being overly dramatic. Too much drama and your hook risks sounding forced which will diminish your essay’s effectiveness. You may end up “standing out” but for the wrong reasons. To write a hook for a medical school personal statement, you’ll want to think backwards. You can do this in multiple ways. First, think about the overall arc of your story. What point are you trying to convey about your experience and journey to medicine? Visualize the story in your mind and consider different points of entry to your personal statement for the reader. Write a few different opening sentences, then roughly outline what path each version of the essay would take by jotting down the main ideas for each subsequent paragraph. Personal anecdotes (true stories from your own life that demonstrate a concept or illustrate a point you want to make) can be a great point of entry. They make an essay feel unique and authentic without venturing into the overdramatic or cliche. Don’t worry about the sentences being expertly crafted at this point; you can refine them later. Then, change your perspective. Read your sentences from the reader’s point of view. Would the reader think your journey to medicine is as captivating as you do? What grabs you, if anything, about your potential hooks? Take notes about what you think and draw connections. Aim for something compelling that you can expand on later in your essay. Keep in mind that this is an iterative process. The idea is to draw your reader in to learn more about your interest in medicine, not to shock them and hope they see you as interesting enough to be admitted. Overly dramatic openers are like a sugar high for your personal statement—a quick boost of interest that quickly dissipates. We cover this in more detail with examples below in part four.

Paragraph 4

As soon as I walked into the examination room, I noticed the mother avoiding eye contact with the genetic counselor while clutching her son to her chest. I sensed her anxiety and disinterest in hearing about my research conclusions. The impact of her son’s condition on their daily lives probably transcended the scientific details in my report. So, despite my desire to get into the science, I restrained myself from overwhelming her. Instead, I asked her to share details about the wonderful interventions she had procured for her son—speech and physical therapy, sign language lessons, special feeds, etc. Through our conversations, I realized that she was really looking for reassurance—for doing a great job caring for her son. I validated her efforts and offered relief that there were other families navigating similar difficulties. As the appointment progressed, I observed her gradually relaxing. Rather than feel weighed down by the research findings I was eager to get off my chest, I felt light as well.

The applicant right away begins to describe their meeting with the boy and his mother. We understand that while the applicant was ready to share their research with the family, the mother appears anxious and is more interested in understanding how she can help her son.

It should also be noted that the applicant does not judge the mother in any way and offers supporting evidence for their conclusions about what the mother must’ve been thinking and feeling. For example, rather than just call the mother “anxious,” the applicant first describes how she avoided eye contact and clutched her son tightly.

The applicant once again demonstrates their flexibility by showing how they modified their talking points to fit the family’s needs rather than satisfy their own curiosity and self-interest. Moreover, they highlight not only the approach they took with this family, but also the impact on their care. For example, after discussing how they validated the mother’s care efforts, the applicant mentions how the mother relaxed.

Socially aware (e.g., “I noticed the mother avoiding eye contact with the genetic counselor while clutching her son to her chest. I sensed her anxiety and disinterest in hearing about my research conclusions. The impact of her son’s condition on their daily lives probably transcended the scientific details in my report.”)

Flexible (e.g., “So despite my desire to get into the science, I restrained myself from overwhelming her. Instead, I asked her to share details about the wonderful interventions she had procured for her son—speech and physical therapy, sign language lessons, special feeds, etc.”)

Socially skilled and validating (e.g., “Through our conversations, I realized that she was really looking for reassurance—for doing a great job caring for her son. I validated her efforts and offered relief that there were other families navigating similar difficulties.”)

At first glance, it may appear that this paragraph is as much about the mother as it is about the applicant. After all, the mother procured various services for her son and has done a marvelous job of caring for him.

Nevertheless, the applicant is not competing in any way with the mother. By demonstrating their flexibility and social skills, the applicant reinforces great qualities they’ve demonstrated elsewhere and remains at the top of our minds.

In isolation, perhaps. However, at this point in the personal statement, along with the loads of insights, thoughts, and feelings, there’s no question that this story is unique to the applicant.

This paragraph is another model of depth. The applicant goes into highly specific details about a memorable experience with a specific family. There’s significant showing vs. telling, which continues to maintain the reader’s engagement.

Paragraph 5

How many people should i ask to review my personal statement.

Typically, we recommend that no matter than two people—people who have experience evaluating med school personal statements—review your essay. Everyone you show your essay to will have an opinion and suggest changes, but trying to appease everyone usually leads to diluting your own voice. And even if your personal statement is great, someone will eventually identify something they perceive to be an issue, which will only exacerbate your anxiety. Two people is a good number because you can receive more than one opinion but avoid the problem of having too many cooks in the kitchen.

The final paragraph accomplishes three key goals:

Concluding the story about meeting the boy and his mother;

Bringing the applicant’s insights full circle; and

Restating their interest in medicine while offering a preview of what type of physician they intend to be.

By describing how they built a trusting relationship with the patient and his mother, the applicant deliberately continues the theme of patient-centered care ultimately being more important to them—and to medicine—than underlying pathologies and interestingness of various medical scenarios.

Although the applicant does not circle back to the classroom story in the introduction, they close the loop with the personal statement’s central and most important story. In addition, they end on a high note by mentioning how enthusiastic they are about their medical career.

Trustworthy (e.g., “At the end of the appointment, the mom offered to let me hold her son, who gazed back at me with his bright blue eyes.”)

Insightful (e.g., “Above all, this experience allowed me to recognize that interactions between a patient plus family and their doctor are more than intermediary vehicles to treatment; they are critical and beneficial in their own right.”)

Patient-centered and caring (e.g., “While research is essential and will surely always trigger my curiosity, I want my work to transcend the lab bench. Specifically, I want to continue engaging with patients and helping them through life’s difficult moments—with physical treatment and genuine support.”)

This paragraph is all about the applicant. Even the detail about cradling the boy highlights their earlier efforts in building trust with the family. After this brief conclusion to the story, the applicant explores their own developing insights about the field and how they intend to practice medicine in the future.

In combination with the insights shared in this paragraph, the story and details up to this point round out the personal statement uniquely.

Conclusion paragraphs should summarize insights and information presented earlier in the personal statement. The applicant does a fine job of solidifying their longstanding interest in medicine without adding significant new details, knowing they can cover additional stories throughout their secondary applications and during interviews .

Can you say a little more about how I can write my essay so that it's clear I want to go into medicine and not another health care field?

A long-term commitment to medically-relevant experiences
A clear understanding of what medicine entails that other fields don't

At various points while writing your personal statement, you may wonder whether your essay is “good enough.”

The goal of this guide isn’t to allow you to compare your personal statement to the sample we’ve provided. Rather, we want you to have a framework for evaluating your work to ensure that it conveys your outstanding qualities, engages the reader, and describes your authentic journey to medicine.

Did you find this example and analysis valuable? You can find 220+ exclusive personal statement examples at the following resource:

If you’re like most applicants, you’re worried about choosing a clichéd medical school personal statement topic . You fear that your application may be thrown into the rejection pile if you fail to present yourself in a unique way.

To help you avoid common pitfalls and write a memorable personal statement, we’ve highlighted eight different ways that unique personal statements differ from clichéd ones.

We’ll first describe the clichéd approach and describe why it’s problematic. Then we’ll provide specific writing techniques you can use to make your essay truly stand out.

Clichéd Approach 1: Only discussing experiences that you think make you seem the most impressive.

Most applicants begin writing their essays by choosing the experience(s) that they think will help them stand out to admissions committees. By focusing on specific experiences that applicants think will impress the admissions committee (e.g. clinical shadowing, research, and volunteering), students often forget to demonstrate their unique qualities.

Let’s see how this becomes a problem.

In your AMCAS Work and Activities section, you may have included your experience conducting chemistry research for three years, shadowing in a clinic for two years, volunteering as an English tutor for underserved youth in Chicago for six years, volunteering with a medical mission trip to Haiti for two summers, and serving as president of a premed organization for one year.

Given these choices, most students would choose to write about clinical volunteering in Chicago or their medical mission trip to Haiti because they think these experiences were most impressive. If you take one of these two approaches, you would probably start the essay by describing an interaction with a very ill patient or one with whom you experienced a language barrier.

An essay about clinical shadowing could start something like this:

Clichéd introduction

I used to eat lunch with Felipa on Wednesdays. She was always very nervous when she came in to get her blood drawn, and she liked to speak with me beforehand. Although she was suffering from breast cancer, she had a positive attitude that made the doctors and the nurses feel like one big family. Her positive attitude helped lift the spirits of other patients in the room. Throughout my lunches with Felipa, she would tell me how she still cooked dinner every day for her husband and two young kids. She brought that same compassion to the hospital, always with a contagious smile. I endeavored to give her the best care by offering her water and chatting with her on her chemo days. However, I was always bothered that I could not treat Felipa’s cancer myself. This powerlessness I felt inspired me to pursue medicine to help future patients battle this horrible illness by discovering new treatments.

While we gain some information about the applicant’s motivations to study medicine (e.g., to help future patients…by discovering new treatments ), it explores a common topic (i.e., a realization that came during clinical shadowing) with a typical delivery (i.e., written broadly about interactions with a specific patient).

The paragraph does not do a good job of painting a picture of the applicant, as we don’t learn about her standout qualities or other aspects of her identity.

Moreover, if we replace “Felipa” with another name, it becomes clear that any applicant who engaged in a similar shadowing experience could have written this paragraph. This is not to say that an essay that includes shadowing will always be clichéd. After all, the topic is only one aspect of your personal statement.

Remember, there are no good or bad topics. Rather, there are strong ways—and poor ways—to write about these topics.

Instead of asking if your topic is “good” or “bad,” you should be asking yourself whether your essay has a “typical” or “standout” delivery.

You want your personal statement to be written so engagingly that it serves as a pleasant interruption to the admissions committee member’s routine. Surprise them when they rarely expect to be surprised.

Unique Alternative 1: Demonstrating the qualities that make you distinct by choosing experiences that highlight your best characteristics.

The best personal statement writers decide which qualities they want to emphasize to admissions committees before choosing a certain experience. Then, they focus on a specific event or situation that captures the admissions committees’ attention by telling a detailed story—oftentimes a story that does not overtly involve medicine.

By deciding on your qualities beforehand, you will choose a story that authentically delivers your intended message.

Don’t be afraid to select an experience or story that strays from the typical, “impressive” premed extracurricular activity. After all, med schools want to accept applicants because of their wonderful qualities and unique attributes, not because of a specific experience or extracurricular activity.

Let’s imagine that the same applicant from the previous example chose to write about her community involvement outside of medicine.

From her list of extracurricular activities, she could choose to write about volunteering as an English tutor or being the lead saxophone player in a campus jazz ensemble. By picking one of these options, this student could write an entirely unique personal statement introduction.

Let’s see how an effective essay might begin with her volunteer work as an English tutor:

Unique introduction

I could feel the sweat rolling down my back as twenty first graders stared at me. It was July in Chicago, and the building where I volunteered as an English teacher twice a week did not have air conditioning. I had volunteered as a one-on-one tutor for the past six years, but this was my first time teaching a large group. The students, largely from working-class, Spanish-speaking households, reminded me of myself, as I grew up as the daughter of two Mexican emigrants. I personally understood the challenges the students faced, and I wanted to use my own experience and knowledge to help set them on the path to academic success.

This introduction would likely stand out to an admissions committee member not only because it discusses something other than clinical shadowing but also because it demonstrates the writer’s commitment to her community, and it reveals something about the applicant’s personal background.

Should I mention bad grades in my personal statement?

In most cases, no. With limited characters, your primary goal for your personal statement should be to tell medical school admissions committees why you will be an excellent doctor. Admissions committees will already see your grades. If you use too much space discussing your poor grades during freshman year or some other time, you'll draw even more attention to the red flags on your application and lose a golden opportunity to demonstrate your impressive qualities. One exception is if you received poor grades due to some extraordinary circumstance, such as recovering from a significant accident or illness. Even then, you might want to discuss your poor grades in another section of your application, such as a secondary essay.

Clichéd Approach 2: Listing your qualities and accomplishments like you are explaining your resume.

When many students begin writing their personal statements, they “tell” and don’t “show”.

Even though the advice to “show, don’t tell” is commonly given, students rarely know what it actually means to demonstrate or “show” their qualities rather than simply listing them.

We’ll provide an overly simple example to highlight why “telling” your qualities is such a problem:

Ever since I was a kid, I have received excellent grades and have excelled at all things related to science. My success in conducting chemistry research and my numerous presentations at biochemistry conferences is testament to my ability to succeed as a doctor. In fact, my family and friends have encouraged me to pursue this route because of my academic success.

While we learn that the applicant thinks that he is a great student who is excellent at science, and we learn that his family believes that he should pursue medicine because of his academic success, we do not actually see any evidence of these qualities. Sure, he tells us that his family thinks that he is brilliant, but we do not know why they think he is brilliant.

Unique Alternative 2: Showing, and not telling, the applicant’s qualities.

When you demonstrate your best qualities through examples, you provide a more authentic glimpse about the type of person you really are.

For instance, if you read the following sentences from two different applicants, who would you think was more caring?

Applicant 1: I am very empathic.

Applicant 2: Volunteering with elderly Japanese women has taught me how aging immigrants face cultural barriers while also navigating health problems, from diabetes to cancer.

Even though Applicant 1 says that they are empathic, you probably picked Applicant 2, even though she never uses the word “empathic” (or a synonym) in her sentence. As the reader, you were able to extrapolate how empathic that applicant is by seeing what they do.

Returning to the introductory paragraph with Felipa from example 1, we can see that the typical introduction “tells” about the applicant’s qualities, whereas the standout paragraph “shows” the applicant’s qualities. Let’s look at some examples to clarify:

I endeavored to give her the best care… (giving)

This powerlessness I felt inspired me to pursue medicine to help future patients… (inspired)

I had volunteered as one-on-one tutor for the past six years, but this was my first time teaching a large group. (dedicated, risk-taking)

I personally understood the challenges the students faced, and I wanted to use my own experience and knowledge to help set them on the path to academic success (giving, empowering, empathetic)

Is it OK to discuss a mental health condition in my med school personal statement?

You might have heard that, given the stigma surrounding many mental health conditions, that you should avoid discussing them in your personal statement, no matter what. However, as with many things related to med school essays, the answer depends on the specific condition, severity, and reason behind sharing it. Certain conditions have more stigma associated with them than others and are therefore more difficult to sensitively incorporate in your personal statement. But regardless of your specific mental health condition or its severity, it’s important to ask yourself why you would share it. For instance, if the primary reason for sharing your mental health condition is to show adcoms how much adversity you have overcome, then you should probably leave out your condition or reconsider why you would share it. However, if your reason is to describe the insights you developed about people and about medicine, or how your condition served as a springboard for you to pursue certain activities, then it might be worthwhile to share. Writing about mental health conditions in your personal statement should be approached delicately, so make sure to work with someone who has experience doing so.

Clichéd Approach 3: Stating that you want to be a physician to help people or talking about how being a doctor is such an honor.

When you ask medical school applicants why they want to be a doctor, they usually say that they want to help people. While you should include this fact in your personal statement, it can be difficult to articulate why you want to help people or how you will help them in a way that is not clichéd.

Most applicants will probably write some version of the following in their personal statement:

I want to be a physician because I want to help people who are sick. It would be an honor to serve people in need.

The problem with these statements is that any applicant could have written them. Every doctor wants to help patients who are sick or in need.

Failing to offer a specific reason for your motivation to become a doctor or a specific way in which you plan to help your patients will make it hard for the admissions committee to see what unique approaches and insights you will bring to medicine.

Unique Alternative 3: Explaining specific ways that you intend to help patients or specific reasons why you want to help patients.

To make your statement more convincing, you could add a specific method that you will use to help patients. Consider the following example:

I want to become a physician to provide reassurance to a patient awaiting their lab results, and laughter to a patient who needs an uplift after a week of chemotherapy.

Whereas any medical school applicant could have written the statement in the clichéd example, the statement in the unique example demonstrates specific qualities about the applicant. By explaining that certain patients might need reassurance while others might want laughter, the applicant shows us that they are empathic and sensitive to the needs of individual patients.

To make your statement more authentic, you can also explain why you are drawn to a specific aspect of medicine or a certain demographic of patients. Let’s look at another example:

As a woman with PCOS, I want to improve the field of women’s health so that I can provide other young women comfort and reassurance as they come to terms with their bodies.

This applicant shows that she is passionate about women’s health by connecting her desire to enter medicine to her own health condition. This statement suggests that she will use her own experience to empathize with patients when she becomes a physician.

Should I mention my desired specialty in my med school personal statement?

Probably not. Admissions committees want to recruit students who are incredibly curious and open to different training opportunities. Highlighting a desire to enter a specific specialty might make you seem closed off. That said, it's perfectly fine to express a commitment to serving certain communities or a desire to address specific issues so long as you don't inadvertently box yourself in.

Clichéd Approach 4: Focusing too much on characters who are not you.

The previous two approaches focus on how your personal statement introduction should tell a story. And what do we need for a great story? A character!

Applicants often make another character (e.g. a family member, patient, a physician they shadowed or worked under) the most compelling and interesting character. But when you give or share the limelight with another character, you make it easy for the admissions committee to forget the most important person in the story: YOU. You should be the star of your own personal statement.

We are not saying that you should avoid including another character in your personal statement. In fact, including other characters in your statement reminds the admission committee that you have had a positive impact on other people.

However, these other characters must be used to demonstrate your qualities. These qualities can come from an insight you had while interacting or observing them.

We see how this becomes a problem in the clichéd paragraph from example 1. Felipa and the applicant are both main characters. Indeed, we don’t even read about the applicant or their insights until the seventh sentence. Who knows? Admissions committees might even offer Felipa an interview instead of you.

Unique Alternative 4: Maintaining the focus on the main character—you!

In contrast, the unique paragraph from example 1 about the English tutor in Chicago tells us about the applicant’s passions, commitments, and initiative. Let’s revisit the example:

I personally understood the challenges the students faced, and I wanted to use my own experience and knowledge to help set them on the path to academic success.

Even though she writes about tutoring first-grade students in Chicago, their role in the story is to highlight how she is dedicated to helping her community and empowering students from backgrounds like hers. The students never get in the way of us learning about the applicant.

Now, you may be worried that focusing on you and your qualities will make you come off as arrogant or cocky to the admissions committee. By letting the stories do the talking for you, your personal statement will avoid making you appear egoistical. On the other hand, saying that you are a “good person” or “brilliant” without telling a story can make you seem arrogant.

With only 5,300 characters, you should aim to keep the emphasis almost entirely on you.

Looking for unique personal statement examples to accelerate your writing? We’ve got more than two hundred of them.

Clichéd Approach 5: Focusing too much on describing the activity itself.

Many applicants will write about clinical shadowing, volunteering, or research at some point in their personal statements. Sometimes, however, applicants are so excited by the activity that they forget to include themselves in the experience.

For instance, an applicant looking to highlight their work in a prestigious lab might write:

Working in Dr. Carpenter’s lab, an endowed professor at Harvard Medical School, was exhilarating. The main research project was an experiment that explored how rats responded to various stimulant medications. Our results demonstrated that one of the drugs we tested on the rats may have significant promise for treating Alzheimer’s disease.

While this paragraph demonstrates the student’s familiarity with and excitement about original research, it does not tell us much about the applicant’s specific characteristics or contributions. We learn about the research project in Dr. Carpenter’s lab, but we don’t know what qualities or insights the applicant has gained from conducting the research.

Unique Alternative 5: Unique statements explain how you made an impact through an activity and how the activity impacted you.

While you may think that highlighting a research experience with a famous doctor or in a prestigious lab will bolster your application, writing about it in your personal statement may actually harm you if you do not highlight your own accomplishments and traits.

Focus on activities where you had an impact, even if the activity itself does not seem impressive. Consider the following examples:

Applicant 1: While working in Dr. Smith’s lab, I managed five interns. To make the lab a more congenial environment, I started a weekly lunch hour where we could all discuss our different research projects. This opportunity gave the interns more confidence to talk about their individual lab work, which made it easier for the entire research staff to collaborate on different experiments.

Applicant 2: Working in Dr. Martin’s lab with five other interns taught me the importance of serving on a team. When one of our experiments failed, I made sure that the group met to discuss the results. I offered advice to my lab mates on how they could obtain better results on the next trial. This experience taught me the importance of learning new research methods from my peers to achieve the best results possible.

We do not know whether Applicant 1 or Applicant 2 are working in prestigious labs or with prestigious PIs. However, we do learn that Applicant 1 has shown leadership skills and initiative by working to make the lab a more collaborative space.

Similarly, even though Applicant 2 highlights her lab’s failures, we nevertheless discover that she is a team player, eager to learn from her fellow researchers, and does not let failure stop her. She sounds like someone you might want to have in your medical school study group.

I feel like I don’t have enough space to write everything I want. What should I do?

You shouldn't try to fit everything into your personal statement. In fact, if you try to cover everything within the 5,300-character limit, you'll end up covering nothing well. Remember that your complete application includes multiple written sections: your personal statement, Work and Activities section, and secondary application essays. You should aim to provide admissions committees with a holistic view of who you are across your entire application, not solely through your personal statement. Your personal statement should be used to offer a bird's eye view of who you are and your path to medicine, whereas your AMCAS Work and Activities section and secondary essays should cover the finer details.

Clichéd Approach 6: Articulating an idea without explaining how it relates to your qualities or insights.

Even when some applicants pick unusual topics, they forget to relate those experiences to why they want to be a doctor. Consider the following applicant who has a passion for running.

Applicant 1: I am passionate about running and encouraging others to run because it is good for everyone’s health. That is why I have spent years running marathons and coaching cross country in my free time.

While the applicant says that he is excited about running because it is “good for everyone’s health,” we do not exactly see what the applicant means. Most people believe that exercise is good for your health already, so this applicant would need to explain why he believes running is important, and how his passion for running relates to medicine.

Unique Alternative 6: Explaining your thought process, critical thinking, and decision-making abilities.

When you make an obvious claim (e.g., exercise is good for your health), you should explain why you personally believe this. By drawing on specific evidence and observations, you can show the admissions committee what unique and specific insights you have about a so-called obvious idea.

Applicant 2: After my sister started to run, she began to lose weight. I also noticed that her depression waned and that she regained energy, which manifested in her eagerness to socialize with family and friends. While I always knew that exercise was important, I never believed that it could entirely change a person. This experience led me to believe that exercising can serve as a form of medicine.

Whereas Applicant 1 makes a general claim about running, Applicant 2 draws on a specific, personal example by connecting his sister’s running habit to her holistic health. He mentions her weight loss, improvements in mental health, and increase in energy. In other words, we see why the applicant believes that running provides a health benefit.

Clichéd Approach 7: Writing an overly dramatic first sentence.

Recalling writing courses from high school and college, applicants often try to “hook” the reader’s attention by beginning with a dramatic first sentence. Because of this, applicants sometimes begin their essays with a dramatic moment that fails to offer insight into the applicant’s motivations for studying medicine.

Let’s look at the following first sentence by an applicant who worked in the ER.

It felt as if the world was going to end on that faithful day in the ER when I first witnessed someone die.

This introduction is typical of students writing about clinical shadowing. Rather than showing how he is unique, this statement simply demonstrates that the applicant has had a challenging experience during clinical shadowing.

Unique Alternative 7: Introducing your personal statement with a unique observation or idea that you will further develop in subsequent paragraphs.

Instead of dramatizing or hyperbolizing an experience, you can make your introduction truly unique by making a claim about an idea, insight, or observation that tells the admissions committee why you are excited by medicine. Let’s see how the applicant who wrote about running in example 6 might begin their statement in this way:

For my sister and me, running is a form of medicine.

Even though this example is not as dramatic as the previous one, it catches the reader’s attention by making a unique claim that the reader will want to know more about. The reader will see that the applicant is thinking critically and creatively about what medicine means to him.

Clichéd Approach 8: Writing about various experiences without showing how they are connected.

Even when applicants have thoughtfully selected a few experiences that demonstrate their personal qualities, they sometimes fail to create a “bigger picture” in their personal statement and, consequently, in their entire medical school application. In other words, the experiences described in their essay do not connect or cohere around a central theme.

A personal statement without a theme will come across as unfocused and, most likely, unmemorable. Even if each section of your essay is well-written, if they don’t together add up to highlight something larger, admissions officers will be left without a clear takeaway of who you are and what your goals and motivations are for entering medicine.

Unique Alternative 8: Connecting the experiences in your essay through a common theme.

A theme will serve as the connective tissue that holds everything in your personal statement together. What’s more, it provides a lens through which adcoms will remember you.

For example, if your personal statement discusses playing jazz saxophone, volunteering with children at a community garden, and scribing in an emergency room, you might begin by writing about how studying jazz taught you the value of improvisation, a quality you then brought to the fore while volunteering with children and working as an ER scribe. With a central theme of improvisation, your essay will provide a clear takeaway of you as flexible, adaptable, and creative (i.e., the qualities you decided to highlight).

Alternatively, some applicants choose more concrete themes that focus their essays around a central interest. For instance, perhaps your personal statement describes growing up in a rural community without access to adequate primary care, which led you to eventually volunteer with a mobile clinic for agricultural workers and intern in the public health department of your state. You’ll likely be remembered as “the applicant who’s passionate about improving rural health.”

Just as your personal statement is the foundation of your medical school application, your theme is the foundation of your personal statement. Therefore, it’s important that your personal statement’s theme is reflected throughout your medical school application, including in your Work and Activities section and secondary essays.

Clichéd Approach 9: Moving abruptly from one section of your personal statement to the next.

A theme isn’t the only tool that’s important for connecting the different components of your personal statement; you also want to ensure that you’re using effective transition sentences when moving from one idea to the next.

You can think of theme as the macro glue and transitions as the micro glue that make your personal statement cohere. Without smooth transitions, your personal statement will come across as choppy and your ideas may appear unlinked, making your theme seem illogical or unclear.

Unique Alternative 9: Using effective transitions to smoothly link different experiences and ideas.

There are a number of ways to transition from one experience or idea to the next. Here are a few, along with examples of transitional phrases that can help you build bridges between different parts of your personal statement:

You can show logical consequence or how one event led to another (e.g., “As a result,” “For this reason,” “Therefore”)

You can describe experiences in chronological order (e.g., “Next,” “Since then,” “After”)

You can point out the similarity between two things (e.g., “Similarly,” “Additionally,” “Furthermore”)

You can highlight the contrast between two things (e.g., “Even though,” “Despite,” “However”)

You can give an example (“For instance,” “By doing X,” “When I embarked on Y”)

However (no pun intended!), it isn’t strictly necessary to use transitional phrases or sentences between every section of your personal statement. Sometimes, the logic between ideas will be obvious through simple description, and excessive transitions may get in the way of smoothness and flow.

To learn more, we recommend this resource on transitions from the University of Wisconsin.

When should I aim to have my personal statement finalized by?

We recommend having a final version of your personal statement completed by May 15 of your application year so you can take full advantage of the rolling admissions process. To learn more about writing and submission deadlines, you’re encouraged you to review the ideal medical school application timeline .

Clichéd Approach 10: Writing in a way that can be replicated by other applicants.

Admissions committees are eager to learn about what makes you distinct from your peers, why you want to pursue a career as a physician, and what you will contribute to their school and the larger medical community.

If your personal statement reads like a completely different applicant could have written it, admissions committees will struggle to differentiate you from your competition.

Our earlier example of the applicant who describes her shadowing experience with Felipa does not offer any information specific to her. We do not learn about her physical appearance, town of origin, culture, country of origin, hometown, etc. There simply are not enough details or unique insights that paint a portrait of the applicant.

Unique Alternative 10: Writing a personal statement that could have only been written by you.

At any point while writing the draft of your personal statement, asks yourself whether another applicant could have written it. If the answer is “yes,” you have two options:

You can return to the first few paragraphs of your essay and add distinct details about yourself, such as your town of origin, physical appearance, etc., to help the reader visualize who you are better.

Start over. If you find that it is too difficult to add details about your life story and standout qualities in your original essay, then you may need to start over by including different stories and experiences that show how you are unique.

Let’s look at how you might revise a clichéd sentence to come across as more unique:

Applicant 1: I developed a passion for helping people by volunteering at the local soup kitchen.

Applicant 2: Growing up in rural Idaho, I had no idea how many people in my community lived in poverty until I started to volunteer at the local soup kitchen.

Whereas any applicant who has volunteered at a soup kitchen could have written the first sentence, only someone who grew up in rural Idaho could have written the second sentence.

As a bonus, the second statement also shows us a realization that the applicant has about her hometown, which suggests that she is thinking critically about her environment.

In your essay, you can include several unique details, including state of origin, country of origin, religion, hobbies, studies and research outside of medicine, creative pursuits, family’s culture, physical appearance, health history, special talents, language abilities, etc. Admissions committees look for candidates that can bring unique insights and different perspectives to their programs.

While certain details can help paint a meaningful portrait of you, it is important to remember that the personal statement is not a work of creative writing.

For example, including details about the color of your shirt and the type of shoe you were wearing may help make the story in your personal statement more vivid, but these details fail to offer insights about your unique qualities or your life experiences. Admissions committees will be interested by your unique traits, not the look of your clothes.

Clichéd Approach 11: Building your personal statement around an inspiring quote

When many students struggle to craft a compelling introduction to their personal statements, they’ll often look to inspiring quotes from famous individuals to use as a framework for the theme of their essay.

These quotes may even have directly inspired the applicant to take action or seemingly relate to the applicant’s personal experience. A good quote can appear like a connecting thread between abstract ideas such as your desire to become a doctor and real-world challenges you face in choosing that path. This is an attractive option since one of the most difficult parts of writing a personal statement is effectively condensing difficult abstract ideas into a memorable narrative.

Using quotes by themselves is not necessarily going to kill your essay, but it’s tricky to use them as scaffolding for the main idea.

Essentially, an inspiring quote risks taking the focus off of you, your qualities, thoughts, and experiences while placing the focus within the sphere of an idea thought by someone else.

Unique Alternative 11: Employing the use of quotes to enhance your point rather than build your point

There’s nothing inherently wrong with using a quote, but it should be used to reinforce your point or theme, rather than being your point itself.

The placement of a quote within your essay is key. Place it near the beginning and it’s a feature of your essay, in the middle and it could signal a turning point, or at the end and it may just wrap things up nicely.

Let’s look at an example using a quote from Charles Kettering.

"No one would have crossed the ocean if he could have gotten off the ship in the storm." My dad loved to remind me of this Charles Kettering quote whenever I was struggling with a new task or activity. From my difficulties preparing for my piano recital in seventh grade to applying to college, every obstacle seemed like a ship I couldn’t get off of. However, I didn’t understand the depth of its true meaning until volunteering to help addicts in the Kensington neighborhood of my hometown of Philadelphia.

Opening with this quote has set up the entire essay to revolve around the quote’s idea. The reader doesn’t even get to your experience of volunteering (and likely your true entry point into medicine) until the final sentence of the introduction. There’s nothing wrong with the idea the quote conveys, but how the writer is featuring it in their essay is problematic.

Instead, let’s see what happens when the quote is moved to another section of the essay.

My heart swelled as I watched Steven walk in through the door of our therapeutic community grinning from ear to ear and proudly announcing he’d been hired as a dishwasher. I recalled how just three months prior, I daily cleaned the necrotizing fasciitis on his legs caused by his tranq use and participated in counseling sessions with the coaching team. I thought of what our head counselor would often remind him, “No one would have crossed the ocean if he could have gotten off the ship in the storm,” and I knew I wanted to spend my life helping others through their storms.

At this point, the reader has followed you through your journey in your essay before they encounter the quote. Rather than the quote’s idea of perseverance being the main focus, your encounter with Steven (and the ultimate realization that you want to spend your life helping others persevere and heal) is the focus—encapsulated in the quote itself.

Wherever you decide to place a quote, you want it to be an interesting addition that enhances your qualities and your experience. Ask yourself how the quote is directly relevant to you and your essay and make sure using it adds something meaningful to your writing.

How can I know when my personal statement is ready to submit?

It highlights your great qualities;
It clearly describes your path to medicine—or discusses experiences that led you to develop key insights about the field;
It tells the actual story of your desire to become a physician and not what you believe someone wants to hear;
It is highly personal and could have only been written by you; and
It is devoid of spelling or grammatical errors.

By following these instructions on how to avoid clichés, you can write a memorable personal statement that stands out to admissions committees.

Whereas writing a clichéd personal statement will likely cause your application to end up in the rejection pile, crafting an authentic, unique personal statement will help lead you to your white coat ceremony.

About the Author

Dr. Shirag Shemmassian is the Founder of Shemmassian Academic Consulting and one of the world's foremost experts on medical school admissions. For nearly 20 years, he and his team have helped thousands of students get into medical school using his exclusive approach.

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I partly grew up in Bangkok, a city in which there are more shopping malls than there are psychiatrists. I did this math as soon as I found out that my older sister had attempted suicide outside of a shopping mall. The stigmatization of mental illness is still widespread in Thailand and as a result, the hospital and my family treated her case as anything but an attempt on her own life. At the time, I was reading “The Yellow Wall Paper” in school, a story about inadequately treated postpartum depression in the 1890s. I saw parallels, as my sister had begun to look gray after the birth of her daughter. I repeatedly voiced my concerns, but no one listened to me. No one was addressing her health from a broader perspective, and as a result, she was left to fend for her own mental health. She was powerless, and I felt powerless too.

This blindness for mental wellbeing in my society confounded me, so I chose to study it further at UT Austin. When I began working at the Dell Seton Medical Center, however, my idealism about patient-centered care was quickly put to the test when I was regarded with cynicism due to my own identity. One afternoon, a diabetic patient approached me for assistance in applying for food stamps. Although he was visibly in discomfort, he refused the chair I pulled out for him. While we gathered information, he gruffly asked me where I was from. “America,” I answered. Unsatisfied with my answer, he repeated his question eight more times until I caved and answered with my ethnicity. Following this, he grew impatient and kept insisting he could complete the process with another shift. But I knew arranging transport would be difficult and costly. Determined to turn the interaction around, I soldiered on with the application process. I discovered that he had a daughter, and I asked about her interests. He grew animated as he talked lovingly about her, and I completed my work. Commuting home in the dark, I beamed; I was able to build rapport and assist someone who did not initially believe in me.

I strove to supplement my education with parallel experiences in research and volunteer work. In a course about stigma and prejudice, I discovered that minority status was a marker for increased IL-6 inflammation, and that individuals primed with stereotypes about race, sex, or disease suffer greatly, but often invisibly. Walking out of lecture, I planned out how I could implement these findings in my own work. During data collection for a community sleep study, I applied my renewed perspective on the phone with a participant. I sensed exasperation in her voice, so I sincerely thanked her for her time. Suddenly, she began to wail into the phone. As her personal story unraveled, I found out that experiences of racial discrimination had breached every area of her life, including her healthcare—as a result, she felt alienated and left with inadequate treatment. When she expressed thoughts of suicide, I began to panic. But I kept my voice composed, reinforced her resilience, and gained a verbal confirmation that we would speak the next day. The disempowering marginalization she felt mirrored my sister’s situation years ago. But this time, I was equipped with my education.

The more I learned about the social determinants of health, the clearer it became that healthcare was inherently social. This solidified my interest in medicine and motivated me to pursue research in social psychology. As I trained on how to code facial expressions for my honors thesis, I shadowed Dr. Sekhon, a geriatric psychiatrist, at an assisted living facility. One of his patients was an injured former athlete who was having trouble standing. His wife held back tears as he grimaced and repeatedly referred to “passing on.” Dr. Sekhon studied his patients’ face intently, and then, instead of altering medications or suggesting tests, he encouraged his patient to stand for 10 seconds longer each day. There was a shift in the room, and I could measure it by the expressions on their faces. The man’s eyes wrinkled in a genuine smile and his wife’s enthusiastic agreement reflected Dr. Sekhon’s success. The way a physician could read facial expressions to address what the patient did not verbalize was incredibly powerful—I was awestruck.

Inspired by this observation, I wrote my honors thesis on the relationship between power and health outcomes. Experiences of disempowerment and of illness magnify one another, but a doctor can empower someone in their most vulnerable moments by connecting with them. Much like my sister, many patients need clinicians that address both physical and invisible hardships. I am eager to be part of a new generation of healthcare providers with sensitivity to the diverse ways that people communicate distress and wellbeing. One patient at a time, we can shift archaic mindsets deeply rooted in our communities, and ensure that every life we touch receives socially and culturally competent care. For me, studying medicine means being part of something bigger by empowering others—and myself—along the way.

Paragraph 1 Analysis

The applicant begins their essay by immediately (and effectively) putting their unique upbringing in conversation with their family-inspired interest in medicine. Even though they do not say anything directly about an interest in medicine in this paragraph, we can see that the applicant is clearly passionate about doing the right thing, and about helping people in general. We can also see that they are aware of a gap that needs filling and a stigma that needs addressing.

Thoughtful/empathetic/high moral principles - Despite cultural resistance to mental healthcare, the applicant understands the value of protecting one’s mental wellbeing, and that it is an essential aspect of a healthy life. They take the initiative to listen to their sister, to carefully watch for signs of illness, and to advocate for her even in the face of a society pushing against them.

The paragraph is about how much the applicant cares for their sister, and that makes it personal. Even though the sister is a huge part of this paragraph, and even though Bangkok itself almost reads like a character on its own, the applicant’s careful reflections connect all of these outside sources to who they are and what they value.

The geographical, cultural, and familial details make this paragraph unique. Also notice how the applicant is able to discuss their sister’s suicide attempt without it feeling appropriative or self-serving, since they connect the trauma to a larger cultural issue that the applicant wants to address.

Even in the first paragraph, there is depth that will be fleshed out in the rest of the essay: The applicant sees something wrong in their culture, and is determined to fix it. The applicant is also showing an awareness of just how complicated and imperfect the healthcare system can be, demonstrating a perspective that is nuanced, mature, and compelling.

Paragraph 2 Analysis

Notice how the applicant takes the essay in a different direction than we expected after reading the first paragraph. We move from an anecdote about their sister nearly committing suicide to a seemingly unrelated anecdote about a prejudiced patient. The connecting thread between these two stories, of course, is the applicant. Their reflections on and reactions to both situations highlight their character, which is what the personal statement is all about. We also see another take on how it feels to encounter someone’s resistance to your own voice and perspective, just as the applicant encountered resistance in the face of their efforts to advocate for their sister.

Gumptious/perseverant - Most people would have a hard time helping the patient described in the above paragraph. Prejudiced, unkind, and ungrateful, he seems like a nightmare to work with. And yet the applicant shows us that, despite his rude, racist behavior, they remained strong, patient, and helpful, turning the situation into something more positive for both of them. This ability to face adversity and overcome it is a very desirable quality for any physician to possess. It also shows that the applicant knows how to adapt and problem solve in a high stress situation, putting the needs of the patient before their own, albeit justified, frustration.

As always, although the paragraph tells us the story of a particular patient, it is truly about the applicant’s interaction with that patient.

The specificity of this story makes it utterly unique to the applicant. Also, the applicant is demonstrating a nuanced and unique ability to transition between seemingly disparate experiences in paragraph one versus two.

The depth of this paragraph is rooted in the qualities it highlights in the applicant, as outlined above. As such, the strategy here is doubly effective: Not only are we reading an engaging moment of narrative, we’re also gaining some insight into why this was particularly meaningful for the patient.

Paragraph 3 Analysis

The process of personal growth. This essay does a fantastic job of highlighting the applicant’s personal growth through potent anecdotes and life experiences. This allows the applicant to show how they've changed and brings the personal statement to life. Notice how they set this up in the first paragraph when writing about their sister’s mental health. “She was powerless, and I felt powerless, too.” Later, when the applicant speaks to a patient over the phone and realizes the “disempowering marginalization” she felt, they remark, “But this time, I was equipped with my education.” Adcoms realize that the path to an MD doesn’t start and end at clearly defined points. The process of “becoming” a doctor is a road you will travel even after you’ve earned your white coat. Learning will continue as you grow in your career. You may not have a story of discrimination to tell, but we’ve all experienced moments of personal growth. Positively highlighting your growth is a great way to show your resilience and determination to succeed in medicine.

After detouring from the first paragraph’s anecdote to share with us the prejudice they’ve experienced directly, the applicant returns to the story of their sister’s attempted suicide, but this time the story has a comparative function. By juxtaposing the helplessness they felt in regards to their sister with the empowering experience on the phone, we can see that the applicant has not only grown, they’ve also shown real initiative in taking on a societal problem head on.

Determined/collected/resilient - Despite the emotional impact of being reminded of their sister’s near-death, the applicant pushes forward, collecting themselves and utilizing their education to make a real impact.

Empathetic - The applicant is able to stay calm in a high stakes situation because they are unconditionally empathetic towards the caller.

The paragraph is about the applicant’s genuine desire to help other people. We see a real passion in their desire to make an impact in regards to high-stakes issues, which allows us to get to know who they are not only as a potential physician, but as an advocate as well.

The connection to the first paragraph makes this paragraph unique both narratively and structurally.

The depth of this paragraph can be seen in its comparison to the first paragraph. Where the applicant initially felt powerless in the face of suicide, now they have matured and become better equipped to tackle such a high-stakes situation.

Paragraph 4 Analysis

The applicant provides us with three important details in this paragraph: First, that they trained to code facial expressions, second, that they shadowed Dr. Sekhon, and third, that they were inspired by the shadowing experience. Notice how their education immediately comes into play in discussing the expressions on the patients, and how the interest in the depth of facial complexity speaks both to their interest in mental health and their empathy.

Observant - Although an important aspect of your pre-med career, shadowing is sometimes a difficult experience to write about, for obvious reasons. What about the experience is interesting, if you were merely a shadow? How do you personalize work that nearly every applicant is going to have done? This applicant makes themselves stand out by telling the story of Dr. Sekhon and the retired athlete in such detail that they are indirectly showing us how careful and observant they are.

Although the narrative in this paragraph is entirely focused on other people, the thematic core belongs to the applicant, because the paragraph is about their observation of and reaction to this incident, more so than the incident itself.

The details of this office visit, combined with the hard skills the applicant is displaying and the awareness of a physician whose values they will want to embrace in their own way, make this paragraph unique.

This paragraph has depth in an indirect sense—the way the applicant was inspired is the most important point that the writing gets across.

Paragraph 5 Analysis

To conclude their essay, the applicant employs a tried and true formula: connecting the introduction to the conclusion. By reintroducing their sister into the narrative, we as readers come full circle. We remember where the applicant began, what influenced them, and how they have evolved over the course of their life, an evolution mirrored in the way the essay itself has developed.

Ambitious - This applicant has big dreams. They want to make an authentic change in the healthcare system, and since we’ve seen them mature throughout the essay, we believe that they’re capable of enacting such changes. Since they outlined this desire to make change from the very beginning, we also get a sense of how enduring and consistent it truly is, furthering our respect for the applicant’s goals.

Humble/social - Despite their ambition, the applicant is clearly aware that in order to make a real change, they will have to team up with others.

This concluding paragraph is quite clearly all about the applicant—their goals, ambitions, and values.

Although some of the sentences are broad, the paragraph remains unique due to the references to the sister, as well as the details about the applicant’s honors thesis. Connecting broad goals with specific details helps this conclusion feel more concrete, and less generalized and abstract.

The depth here is in what the applicant tells us directly, speaking to their desire as reiterated throughout the essay: “We can shift archaic mindsets deeply rooted in our communities, and ensure that every life we touch receives socially and culturally competent care.”

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How to Write About Your Virtual Shadowing Experiences

By: Savvy Pre-Med Staff

Unless you did your clinical shadowing before the lockdown in March 2020, or unless you’re one of the lucky pre-meds to find in-person shadowing during the pandemic, then you’ll be forced to write about virtual shadowing in your 2021-2022 application.

It seems like a difficult task. Due to the passive nature of shadowing, it’s already tricky to write about it compellingly, and the virtual format only makes this more challenging.

But it can definitely be done, especially if you’ve gone out of your way to find optimal virtual shadowing and taken steps to get the most out of the experiences.

We’re here to answer all your questions about writing about your virtual shadowing experiences, including some do’s and don’ts and an example for you to emulate.

If you follow this advice, you’ll be able to show medical schools the value of your virtual shadowing experience in a memorable, convincing narrative!

There are several considerations we need to discuss before diving into the actual writing process, so let’s get started:

Why Do Medical Schools Make You Write About Shadowing?

Medical schools want to see whether you understand a physician's demands, lifestyle, and duties, especially compared to other healthcare roles (shadowing does this more than other clinical experiences). In short, do you know what it takes to be a physician?
They also want to see how well you interact with patients, especially those who are different from you. What are your people skills like? Can you exhibit professionalism in a clinical setting?

What Kind of Virtual Shadowing Experiences Will Medical Schools Be Looking For?

Before pursuing a virtual shadowing experience, ask yourself these questions:

Is it active or passive learning?
What is the consistency and accessibility of the sessions?
How much credit can you get? And how restrictive is the process?
What is the content presented?
How closely does it reflect actual in-person shadowing?

Virtual shadowing can potentially offer all these criteria, but it will be important for you to seek the right platforms that will maximize your virtual experience).

Weak Virtual Shadowing:

Some virtual shadowing opportunities consist of doctors talking over PowerPoint presentations. They’re passive and not very immersive, meaning that you don’t truly see the performance of duties or get the full picture of a doctor’s job. We understand if medical schools view these with a level of scrutiny.

Solid Virtual Shadowing:

Other virtual shadowing experiences involve pre-meds learning clinical skills from recorded patient interactions. These are more active and can actually build diagnostic skills through insights into real cases and a firsthand view of the job’s demands and duties.

Strong Virtual Shadowing:

The most sophisticated virtual shadowing experiences involve the doctors walking pre-meds through the cases themselves. This is the best of both worlds, in the sense that you get to build skills while also directly discussing the cases with the physicians themselves.

As an applicant, part of the onus will be on YOU to make sure that the medical schools fully understand the quality of your virtual shadowing and what you learned from the process. That means you’ll need to write about these virtual shadowing experiences in an effective, persuasive way.

Where Should You Include the Writing About Your Virtual Shadowing Experiences in Your Application?

Activity descriptions (700 characters each) - if you’ve had several brief shadowing experiences, we recommend grouping them into one activity entry, but if you’ve accumulated many hours with one physician, it would be acceptable to separate that one shadowing experience off from the rest into its own activity entry
Secondary essays (various character limits) - there will be some secondary essays that specifically ask about shadowing experiences; however, if the questions ask about “meaningful clinical experiences,” we recommend choosing something other than virtual shadowing if possible
Most Meaningful Essays (1325 characters) - it’s NOT the best idea to write about virtual shadowing as one of your Most Meaningful essays, unless you’ve accumulated TONS of hours and feel confident that you can show how the experience shaped your personal growth; choose other activities if possible
Personal Statement (5300 characters) - there’s a point in every Personal Statement (usually in the middle) when you explain your exploration of medicine that tested your commitment to the field and confirmed your decision to become a doctor; in some cases, your virtual shadowing will be the best experience to illustrate this affirmation, but if there’s a better option where you’re more active and involved (scribe, medical assistant, etc), it’s probably wise to choose that experience instead

What Are the Do’s and Don’ts When Writing About Your Virtual Shadowing Experiences?

If possible, discuss any interactions between you and the patients themselves, especially diverse patients who are much different than you
Make yourself as active as possible in the narrative
Explain new clinical skills you learned or practiced
Bring up the questions you asked the physicians and the insights you gained into their diagnostic or treatment process
If possible, show a continuity with certain patients and their repeated visits
Show a recognition of the challenges of medicine, but also express an excitement to embrace those challenges
Try to illustrate how the experience shifted your perspective on medicine
Don’t draw too much attention to the pandemic’s restrictions and the struggles of the virtual format; you don’t want to complain or sound whiny and resentful
Don’t exclude yourself from the story and remain on the periphery the whole time; don’t just say “the doctor did this, then the doctor did that…”
Don’t assume that an interesting case will do all the work for you; it’s great to discuss unusual conditions or situations, but only if you can show yourself as actively and presently involved in the narrative
Don’t ignore the challenging realities of being a physician; you’ll sound naive if you present a rainbows-and-sunshine perspective of medicine

Is There a Good Example of Virtual Shadowing Writing That You Can Follow and Emulate?

Sure. Here’s a good example of what a virtual shadowing activity description (696 characters):

Shadowed multiple physicians (cardiology, endocrinology, family medicine) at ABC Hospital during telehealth visits
Introduced myself to patients and families and thanked them for consenting to my participation in the visit
Learned about common cases like hypertension/diabetes, but also complicated conditions like blood clots/Graves’ disease
Asked patients questions about symptoms/history when prompted by the physician; actively listened and debriefed with physician afterwards
Observed physicians comforting crying patients and fielding aggressive questions from distraught family members
Discussed physicians’ specialties in between visits; heard about the biggest rewards and challenges of each

Here’s how you could turn this same experience into a meaningful paragraph in your Personal Statement:

With my interest in medicine piqued from my biology classes, I sought out shadowing experiences to test my commitment to a physician’s duties, responsibilities, and daily lifestyle. One meaningful experience was observing Dr. NAME’s telehealth consultation with a recently diagnosed diabetic patient. After introducing myself to the patient, I was allowed to ask a few questions about the patient’s family history, diet, and lifestyle. Dr. NAME commended my inquiries but also filled in the gaps with some additional questions. When Dr. NAME drew a diagram of the bloodstream and pancreas to show the patient what was happening in their body, I copied it down myself and took notes so that I could debrief with the doctor afterwards. The patient worked busy hours and lived in a food desert, so their main concern was eating healthy and controlling their diet. This showed me the importance of personalizing one’s care and avoiding a one-size-fits-all approach to treatment. Dr. NAME took the time to outline what a typical day’s meals could look like, along with tips and resources for healthy cooking on a budget. I found some local groceries in walking distance of the patient’s neighborhood where they could purchase healthier, more nutritious options. Since my uncle has diabetes, I also shared my family’s strategy of changing our diet together to support him and help him stay accountable. The patient was surprised and intrigued by this approach, thanking me for my advice. In the end, the patient left the visit with a clearer understanding of their condition and how they could control it through a combination of insulin and lifestyle modifications. As Dr. NAME and I discussed the case afterwards, I felt even more drawn to medicine as a way to share my knowledge as a trusting guide and educator who can steer people towards healthier futures.

Have any questions about writing about your virtual shadowing experiences for medical school? Let us know in the comments below, and we’ll respond to you personally!

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COMMENTS

Shadowing in Personal Statement? - Student Doctor Network ...
Dec 4, 2004 · The most interesting personal statement I ever read was a person who talked about solving puzzles and riddles with her family and then drawing an analogy to what a physician does. She got her clinical experience in there to highlight it, but showed that she was looking at this with some depth.
How To Describe Your Shadowing Experiences On Your Medical ...
Aug 18, 2021 · Your medical school personal statement should include the most meaningful experiences you had that led you to decide to apply to medical school. Every medical school will have different prompts for your secondary essays so you may find that you will have more opportunities to include your shadowing experiences in those.
10 Do’s and Don’ts When Describing Your Pre-Med Shadowing ...
Jul 26, 2021 · The student includes what the clinical shadowing experience taught them about the medical field that they previously did not know, which is essentially the point of clinical shadowing. #2 Don’t: Skimp on the Personal Connection The description of the shadowing experience lacks detail of personal experience. While there was detail in the ...
13 Provocative PA School Personal Statement Expressions
Aug 15, 2016 · Highlight Your PA Shadowing Experience in your CASPA Personal Statement How do you know you'll be a good PA unless you've seen one in action? By shadowing - taking the time to follow a physician assistant through her day to observe what her work is really like. When we interviewed admissions directors for our book "How to Write Your PhysicianHighlight Your PA Shadowing Experience in your CASPA ...
Incorporating shadowing experiences into personal statement?
Feb 22, 2014 · Interesting, I don't think I have really any dental volunteers. It is pretty hard to get a few of those in Texas. My main exposure was through shadowing and probably even small internship (less than 20 hours.) I am just incorporating my characteristics into my personal statement through the various volunteers that I have done.
Personal Statement w/out mentioning clinical experience?
Sep 24, 2008 · My personal statement does not mention anything about my clinical experience (ie; shadowing, volunteering at the local hospital). I figure since I have already listed my shadowing and volunteering experience with a brief description of both in my applications, I would not necessarily have to talk about it in my personal statement.
Include shadowing an NP in my personal statment?
Aug 14, 2012 · My personal statement already does include shadowing experience with other PAs too, just to note. So question: would it be not recommended that I include my shadowing experience of the NP in my personal statment? In one particular paragraph in which I talk about shadowing, I mention both the PA I've been shadowing and this particular NP.
2024 Medical School Personal Statement Ultimate Guide (220 ...
Jan 16, 2024 · Part 1: Introduction to the medical school personal statement. You probably know someone who achieved a solid GPA and MCAT score, conducted research, shadowed physicians, engaged in meaningful volunteer work, and met all the other medical school requirements, yet still got rejected by every school they applied to.
How to Write About Your Virtual Shadowing Experiences
Apr 26, 2021 · Personal Statement (5300 characters) - there’s a point in every Personal Statement (usually in the middle) when you explain your exploration of medicine that tested your commitment to the field and confirmed your decision to become a doctor; in some cases, your virtual shadowing will be the best experience to illustrate this affirmation, but ...
Let's Talk Personal Statements - Medical School Headquarters
You talk about the journey that led you here today. Whereas the activity section is about what you’ve done with your time as a human being. Therefore, you can have the same experience being a CNA in your personal statement focused on why you want to be a doctor. Then in your activity section, you can focus on the activity and how it has ...