social anxiety experiment ideas

57 social anxiety exposure challenges to build your courage

Exposure therapy can be very effective to treat social anxiety. Based on my experience as well as ideas from therapists, here’s a list of 51 ideas.

Written by: Ian Chew, MHFA

Published on: 03/28/2023

Table of Content

Disclaimer: My content is NOT a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. When in doubt, ask a therapist!

Exposure therapy is a cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) technique that helps patients learn to manage their anxiety, by either imagining or experiencing the fears in real life.

In layman’s terms, you’re deliberately putting yourself in situations that trigger your anxiety, so that your brain learns that  a) they aren’t as scary as you think, and/or b) you’re more capable of coping with anxiety than you think. 

Let me give you a few examples:

• Feel socially anxious when talking to older people? Volunteer at a retirement home over the weekend.
• Find group conversations too intimidating? Practice talking in a smaller group of three (including yourself).
• Too nervous to go on dates? Say hi to one attractive stranger on the street, and do that every day for a week. 

I’ve done exposure therapy for the last 11 years, and it’s one of the most powerful things that I’ve done to work through my social anxiety. 

I also prefer thinking of exposure as a series of courage challenges , or comfort zone challenges (credit: Elizabeth DuPont Spencer, LCSW ). It just sounds a lot more empowering and exciting.

Now, before we jump into the list of exposure challenges you could consider, here’s a big disclaimer…

The enemy of exposure therapy

As powerful as exposure therapy is for social anxiety and other anxiety disorders,  there’s one thing that can completely eliminate its benefits: Safety behaviors .

What are they? As I explained in this article , safety behaviors are things you do/don’t do to feel safe and avoid feeling socially anxious. 

When you engage in safety behaviors, you don’t learn that you can handle the anxiety during exposure.

(If you’re interested to learn more, I went deeper into this problem here .)

Now that we’ve addressed what often results in ineffective exposure, here’s a list of exposure challenges for social anxiety! 

Exposure challenges: the starter pack edition  

Recently, I had lunch with Rebecca Koay , M.Couns., and we both agreed that the simplest of interactions can often trigger social anxiety. 

Inspired by the conversation, I came up with a list of exposure challenges that you can try regardless of the situation: 

• Say hi 
• Smile (while looking someone in the eye) 
• Make eye contact for more than one second 
• Share what you think/feel without filtering yourself 
• Talk louder than you normally world 

Talking to strangers/acquaintances

• Chat up a barista or waiter  
• Make small talk with your colleague  
• Say hi to your neighbor 
• Say hi to a stranger during an activity e.g. walking  
• Ask an acquaintance for a simple favor e.g. taking a picture of you 
• Ask an acquaintance for a difficult favor e.g. borrowing money 
• Ask a favor from a stranger  
• Interview strangers on the street ( like I did !)
• Call an old friend that you lost touch with 
• Cold call a local business or organization (one that you haven’t called) 

Related article: How to start a conversation with anyone  

Being the center of attention 

• Share your opinion in a group conversation  
• Lead a group conversation, e.g. become a facilitator 
• Attend a party  
• Attend a party in the flashiest outfit that you could find 
• Attend a networking event or conference
• Give a talk or workshop 
• Host a social gathering, say a dinner party 
• Sing a song or perform in front of others
• Do something silly or embarrassing in public…. like this guy

Doing something while being observed 

• Walk in public 
• Eat or drink
• Have a phone or video call 
• Do something you’re good at 
• Do something you’re bad at 

Talking to authority figures 

• Ask your boss or manager for feedback 
• Ask for a promotion or raise 
• Interview an experienced expert in your field 
• Get advice from your parents or grandparents 
• Reach out to someone you admire for mentorship 

Related article: How to keep the conversation going with someone older or more experienced  

Talking to attractive people 

• Say hi to an attractive stranger 
• Give them a compliment (e.g. their shirt/dress)
• Have a 5-min conversation with them 
• Ask an attractive stranger for their number 
• Ask them out on a date 
• Text someone you’re romantically interested in and ask them out 

Related articles: 10 ways to start a conversation with a girl (without being awkward or creepy) 7 ways to start a conversation with a guy (without being awkward)   

Being assertive 

• Say no to a request
• Ask for help on a simple task 
• Ask for help on a difficult task, say lending money 
• Ask for help on an absurd task (here’s one of my favorite examples ) 
• Haggle for a discount 
• Request an off-menu item at a restaurant/cafe 
• Share a need/preference of yours  
• Share an unpopular and even controversial opinion 
• Disagree with what they said (here’s how to do it tactfully )
• Disagree without downplaying your opinion or apologizing
• Give constructive criticism
• Defend yourself in the face of criticism ( here’s how)

Not smiling 

• Not smiling at something they said (you neither agree nor disagree)
• Not smiling at something they said that you disagree with 
• Not smiling when you share a difficult emotion/situation you experienced (to downplay what you feel)
• Not smiling when you set boundaries (e.g. if they made you uncomfortable)
• Frowning at something they said that you disagree with

(Learn more about the connection between polite smiling and social anxiety here .)

Exposure challenge tips 

• Create an exposure hierarchy: Brainstorm a list of 5-10 exposure challenges, rank them from easy to hard, start with the easier ones, and build your confidence from there.
• Do a pre-mortem before the challenge: Ask yourself: “On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely will I do this challenge?” If it’s anything less than 9, modify the challenge so that it’s more manageable.  (But don’t make it too easy: exposure therapy is meant to be challenging!)
• Acknowledge your emotions after the challenge: It’s common and normal to feel difficult emotions post-exposure — say embarrassment because you didn’t say the “right” thing, or they weren’t receptive. Rather than ruminating , which only makes your anxiety worse, acknowledge whatever happened: Does mindfulness help social anxiety? Yes (here’s how)
• Get an accountability buddy: Exposure challenges can feel less difficult when you have a supportive peer or community. You’re also more likely to follow through, rather than fall back to old patterns of avoidance.
• Avoid the pitfalls around exposure therapy:  Apart from what I mentioned about safety behaviors, here’s a list of other reasons why exposure therapy might not work .
• Do a social anxiety quiz: This gives you an idea of what exposure challenges are more/less relevant. The one I recommend is Liebowitz Social Anxiety Scale (LSAS).

Related articles 

• 9 ways to make exposure therapy fun
• How to deal with social anxiety in the moment
• Does mindfulness help social anxiety? Yes (here’s how)
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for social anxiety

Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) for social anxiety

About Ian Chew, MHFA

Why exposure therapy might not work for social anxiety

BEHAVIORAL EXPERIMENTS FOR SOCIAL ANXIETY, PART 1: TESTING AND MODIFYING ANXIOUS BELIEFS

Learn what behavioral experiments are, and how they help you test and modify the beliefs that fuel your social anxiety.

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How to Get Help for Social Anxiety

The National Social Anxiety Center (NSAC) is an association of independent Regional Clinics and Associates throughout the United States with certified cognitive-behavioral therapists (CBT) specializing in social anxiety and other anxiety-related problems.

Find an NSAC Regional Clinic or Associate which is licensed to help people in the state where you are located.

Places where nsac regional clinics and associates are based.

Behavioural experiments for social anxiety

Conducting behavioural experiments to test your fears involves going outside of your comfort zone.

It's important to do this one step at a time, rather than trying to do the hardest possible thing first.

Sometimes, if you try to tackle your biggest fear straight away, it can end up being too overwhelming, or it may leave you more anxious than when you started.

Think about an issue or situation that you feel anxious about and would like to change. This could be something like talking to other students, meeting new people, or public speaking.

Decide on your end goal, e.g. giving a class presentation without extreme fear or distress.

Plan some tasks that are less anxiety-provoking than your end goal that you can try first to build up your confidence - you can list these in order from most anxiety provoking at the top, to least anxiety provoking at the bottom.

Working through your behavioural experiment stepladder is about taking one small step at a time. You begin with a more manageable step and gradually work your way up to more challenging steps.

It can be helpful to repeat experiments in close succession to build your confidence before you move onto the next step.

When completing the steps, remember that you’ll probably experience some anxiety or discomfort. That’s why the stepladder helps you to start small and work your way up. This gives you the chance to get used to that level of anxiety - remember that your anxiety can't and won't last forever. You can get used to these feelings by experiencing them.

It might be tempting to leave or stop if you feel uncomfortable when completing the steps, but it is very important to stay in the situation until you have had a chance to feel some reduction in your anxiety. You can keep practicing steps until you feel very little anxiety associated with them. Staying in the situation can give you the opportunity to learn that as frightening as the anxious feelings are, they are not dangerous and they do decrease. You might also learn that you are better able to cope with feeling anxious than you thought you were.

If you have tried it a few times and you still find it distressing, you may find it useful to create an ‘in-between’ step, by planning another step that is slightly less distressing and has a slightly lower anxiety rating. You may also find it helpful to go back and repeat the previous step. Sometimes, if it has been a while since you’ve completed a behavioural experiment, you may find it helpful to repeat it to build your confidence in what you have learned. This can help you feel ready for the next step.

When you have completed a particular step, make sure to give yourself credit for your success. This can be hard work, and it helps to remind yourself of the progress you are making rather than just focusing on the eventual goal at the top of your stepladder.

Below is an example of a behavioural stepladder:

GOAL: To give a presentation at uni without extreme fear or distress

Time to make your own behavioural experiement stepladder

Use the tool below to plan your stepladder. There is no right or wrong number of steps - so feel free to add more steps or use less steps than the spaces provided. 

TIP: When thinking about the steps, consider what would make it harder or easier for you to complete the experiment. Who is there? What you are doing? How long are you doing it for? When will you do it? Where will you do it? By changing these variables you can create harder or easier steps.

Click on each step to view tasks

Enter a task and an anxiety rating for that task below (e.g. Talk to another student before class. Anxiety: 3/10). 

When you have added and saved your task, click "Add new steps" to add the next task. Don't forget - start with tasks that cause less anxiety first, and then build up to more challenging tasks.  

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Want Social Anxiety Exposure Ideas? Here’s a Guide to Conquering Social Anxiety Through Exposure

Exposure therapy is one of the most effective evidence-based treatments for anxiety, helping millions of people worldwide.

In this guide, we'll delve into what exposure therapy is, provide tips to enhance its effectiveness, and address common troubleshooting issues.

What Is Exposure Therapy for Social Anxiety?

At the heart of social anxiety lies avoidance – the tendency to steer clear of situations that provoke anxiety. Exposure therapy tackles this avoidance directly, aiming to desensitize you to your fears by gradually exposing you to what you’re afraid of.

It’s scary. But that’s the point.

This approach is a key element of cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), considered one of the most effective forms of psychotherapy available.

Exposure techniques can take various forms depending on the nature of your struggles:

• In vivo exposure involves directly confronting feared stimuli or situations in real life.
• Imaginal exposure involves vividly imagining feared scenarios.
• Virtual reality exposure (VRE) is a new approach using technology to simulate anxiety-provoking situations in a safe and controlled environment.

How Does It Work?

While the exact mechanisms of exposure therapy remain a subject of debate, it's widely believed to relate to inhibitory learning. This concept suggests that exposure induces new learning that competes with and weakens existing fear responses.

Through exposure, you acquire new information and experiences that contradict your existing fear associations. This new learning gradually replaces or inhibits the old fear responses, leading to a reduction in anxiety.

5 Ways to Make Exposure Therapy More Effective

1. build a solid foundation.

Starting exposure without a deep understanding of what anxiety is and how to manage it is a bit like entering a bodybuilding competition with no knowledge of weightlifting and no muscles!

Without this foundation, you might struggle to bear the weight of anxiety-provoking situations.

There’s mental anxiety and physical anxiety, and different methods are needed for addressing each.

Want a free deep dive into anxiety? Download our CBT-based guide by filling in the form below. It’s a quick, easy read – about an hour.

2. Embrace Self-Reflection

Self-reflection is important in three ways: connecting to your values, exploring root causes, and integrating your exposure experiences.

Connecting to Your Values

Before diving into exposure therapy, take the time to connect with the deeper reasons driving your decision to confront your fears.

What are your values?

How does reducing social anxiety align with those values?

Do you value...

• Connection?
• Personal growth?
• Resilience?
• Self-acceptance?
• Authenticity?

By anchoring yourself in your values, you cultivate a sense of purpose that fuels your commitment to the exposure process. Remind yourself of your values when you encounter inevitable challenges and setbacks. Here’s a free tool for uncovering your values.

Exploring Root Causes

Another element of self-reflection is exploring the origins and underlying triggers of your social anxiety. What are you afraid of exactly? What specific situations evoke the strongest feelings of discomfort? Where do your fears likely stem from?

Once you've identified your core beliefs, you can work on reframing unhelpful thinking patterns that fuel your social anxiety.

If your social discomfort stems from past traumatic experiences, exploring this through self-help and therapy can also facilitate healing.

Importantly, exploring root causes of social anxiety helps cultivate self-compassion and understanding.

Integrating Your Exposure Experiences

After engaging in exposure exercises, it’s important to take the time to reflect on your experiences with curiosity and compassion.

• What did you learn?
• What thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations did you notice?
• What coping skills did you use?

Reflecting on your experiences allows you to gain valuable insights that drive personal growth.

3. Focus on Small Steps

When creating your exposure plan, focus on small, manageable steps and gradually increase the challenge.

Why is this so important?

Taking small steps creates numerous opportunities for positive reinforcement.

Each time you confront a feared situation and manage your anxiety effectively, you experience a sense of accomplishment and pride. These moments of success serve as powerful rewards for your brain, strengthening the neural pathways associated with adaptive coping and resilience.

Small steps also allow you to effectively gauge your window of tolerance – the optimal zone of arousal where you can effectively cope with stressors and regulate your emotions. Outside your window of tolerance, you experience:

• Hyperarousal – overwhelm, agitation, panic
• Hypoarousal – numbness, dissociation, shutdown

If you notice yourself in these states, pause the exposure exercise and focus on your coping skills. Then, take even smaller steps. Baby steps. Dial down the challenge.

Social Anxiety Exposure Ideas

Remember to align exposure exercises with your values. What would be an exciting goal for you? Set ambitious yet achievable targets that push you outside your comfort zone.

Here are some ideas:

• Phone a local business and ask them a question (e.g., “what time do you close today?”)
• Say “good morning” to a neighbour
• Buy an item of clothing and return it the next day
• Ask a stranger to take a photo of you in a public place
• Host a games night or dinner party
• Go and donate some items to a local charity shop
• Eat at a restaurant alone
• Ask a server at a restaurant how their day is going
• Go to a local bookstore and ask a staff member for a book recommendation based on something you’ve enjoyed
• Attend a virtual Meetup

Exposure Therapy Worksheets

For a huge list of 110 Social Anxiety Exposure Ideas, check out The GROW Planner in The Mental Wellbeing Toolkit.

Worksheets include:

• My Growth Ladder. A worksheet to record your exposure therapy plan, mapping steps onto a ‘growth ladder’.
• My Growth Journal. A worksheet to keep track of your experiences and progress, helping you engage in effective self-reflection.
• 7 Day Exposure Challenge. Review the 110 social anxiety exposure ideas and create your own week-long challenge.
• 4 Week Exposure Challenge . A worksheet which gamifies the whole exposure therapy experience – you assign 1, 2, or 3 points for easy/medium/difficult challenges and strive to beat last week’s score!

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