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Should Parents Help Students Write College Essays?
What’s covered:, how involved should parents be with college applications, 4 ways parents can help with college essays, 4 elements of a good college essay, where your student can get their essay edited.
High schoolers applying to college go through a lot—from filling out multiple applications, keeping up impressive grades and extracurriculars, and writing dozens of college essays. Parents might be tempted to help out their kids and ease some of their burden during this busy time. But, should parents help write their kids’ college essays?
When it comes to helping out with the college process, parents should act as more of a coach or cheerleader than a director. Rather than hovering over your student and telling them when to fill out certain applications, what to write in their essays, and what safety schools to apply to, take a step back and support them without smothering them.
As a coach, parents can guide their student to keep them on schedule, have productive conversations about different college options and financial aid, and offer feedback and edits on essays. It’s important that parents don’t step in and play the game for themselves, so to speak, but rather assist their kid in reaching their full potential.
Another role parents can play is the cheerleader: encourage them through this challenging time and keep them engaged even when they get burnt out. The application process isn’t easy for students or parents, but having someone in your corner to cheer you on will help motivate students to keep going.
Since parents should not be at the helm, they should not do anything active like writing essays. More importantly, a parent directly writing any part of an essay would be plagiarism, and admissions officers can pick up on it via software and their intuition. Essays must be written with the student’s authentic voice and ideas. Here are some things parents can do:
1. Proofread Drafts
Every essay a student writes will likely have to go through multiple drafts—each time tweaking grammar, cutting down words, adding details, moving around sentences, etc. Parents can help expedite this process by reading over the essay drafts and providing constructive feedback. Important details to check for include:
- Are there spelling errors or typos?
- Could the grammar be elevated with literary devices or different diction?
- Does this sound like my student speaking or a thesaurus?
- Does the essay flow in a manner that is easy to follow?
2. Brainstorm Essay Topics
Figuring out how to answer each prompt can be difficult and exhausting when students have so many essays to write. This is a good place for parents to jump in and “coach” their students; sit down for a few hours and start brainstorming topics and themes that could work for various prompts.
A good way to organize brainstorming sessions is to break down essay prompts into categories ( “Why This Major?”, “Extracurricular”, “Community Impact”, “Overcoming Challenges” , etc.) and come up with five to ten stories or answers for each category.
3. Help Students Recall Childhood Memories and Stories
Along the lines of brainstorming, parents can play a huge role in reminding their students of anecdotes from their childhood that could make for a good essay. While you shouldn’t recount stories from your point of view that would color their perspective, parents can show pictures and videos, talk through some of their fondest memories of their kids, and fill in any gaps in stories kids partially remember.
4. Help Students Reflect on Who They Are
One of the important aspects of college essays is the ability to engage in self reflection and think about your character development and growth. This can be a lot for a teenager to do on their own, so it’s a good place for parents to provide some extra support.
Walk your child through some brainstorming exercises. Ask questions like “What three words would best describe you”, “What’s a good example of how you approach a challenge/new idea/etc”, “What are your personal and career goals”, and “How have you grown as a person since you were younger” .
Another way parents can help their kids is by ensuring they cover the bases that make a good essay. Make sure to check out our ultimate guide to college essays to learn how to write a good essay, but below are a handful of the things to check for:
1. Answers the 4 Core Questions
When it comes to a strong college essay, there are four questions that should be answered. These are:
- “Who Am I?”
- “Why Am I Here?”
- “What is Unique About Me?”
- “What Matters to Me?”
These might seem like daunting philosophical questions, but with an intentional, well-crafted essay, you’ll find that the answers to these questions come naturally. Perhaps a more helpful way to look at these questions would be the following:
- What are your personality traits?
- What was your journey through high school? What were you interested in and found meaningful? How have you evolved as you have grown?
- Between your interests, skills, way of thinking, and personality, why are you different from other applicants?
- What is something you care deeply about above all else?
2. Author’s Voice is Authentic and Approachable
Essays are the one opportunity for admissions committees to hear directly from the applicant. For that reason, the essay should sound like a high school student wrote it. Without being overly casual, make sure the tone of the essay reads like a conversation with a friend.
Don’t rely too heavily on a thesaurus and don’t worry about stuffing the essay full of metaphors and figurative language—this isn’t an essay for an English class!
3. Shows Instead of Tells
While the advice to “ show not tell ” in your writing might not be new, it could not be more important. What truly sets apart a good essay from a great essay is the ability to paint a picture for the reader with imagery.
A sentence like this, “I love the thrill of competing in the Math Olympiad,” simply tells the reader what the student enjoys. However, look at the difference when a sentence shows us what a student loves: “ Badum. Badum. Badum. The heavy thumping of my heart echoed painfully in my ears as a droplet of sweat made a lazy trail down my back. Adrenaline coursing through my veins, I whispered “ 7? ” as the time ran out.”
3. Avoids Cliches
Imagine reading through thousands upon thousands of essays every year as an admissions officer. After your 50th essay about scoring the winning goal at the soccer game, being changed by a volunteer trip to another country, or some other overused topic, you’ll no longer connect with these stories.
No matter how beautifully an essay is written, a cliche topic just makes admissions officers want to groan and get to the next one. Make sure your essay doesn’t fall into a traditional cliche topic to make it engaging and enjoyable to read.
4. Includes an Anecdote or Personal Story
Anecdotes bring excitement and personal depth to essays. They provide an easy way for a student to show what was happening in the moment that had such a profound impact on them. Including an anecdote also facilitates personal reflection because there is a solid foundation established. Once the reader can connect with a story, they are able to better empathize with the student and appreciate their character.
Editing college essays is a great way for parents to get involved, but it can be time consuming to read through multiple essays. Luckily, CollegeVine offers two avenues for students to get their essays reviewed.
Our free Peer Essay Review tool allows students to get a free review of their essay from another student. Students can also improve their own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays.
If students want a college admissions expert to review their essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for your student to improve their chances of getting into their dream school!
Related CollegeVine Blog Posts
The Ultimate Guide to College Essay Writing for Parents: How to Support Your Child
Support your child through their college essay journey. Overcome common challenges like rejection letters and writer's block. Find out the best practices to be a supportive parent during application season in this article!
So, your child has narrowed down their list of colleges, and now comes the daunting task of writing multiple essays, including personal statements and school-specific supplements. You as a parent might be wondering, how can I help That’s where this guide on college essay writing for parents comes in. Hint: You will not be writing the essay.Finding the right balance between providing assistance and respecting their autonomy can be tricky. After all, teenagers often need space to express themselves, but they may also benefit from some guidance.The personal statement itself can be a challenging task for many students. It requires a different writing style than they are accustomed to in school. You may have concerns about offering too much help and crossing into the territory of plagiarism or compromising your academic integrity.On the other hand, you may worry that your child needs to enhance their writing skills, and you start Googling how to write a college essay to make sure they're doing it correctly. But WAIT. It's essential to find the "Goldilocks Zone" where you honor their boundaries while providing the necessary support.In this guide, let's find out what parental support you can provide your child during the writing process.
What is a college essay
Most students will use the Common App when applying to colleges and universities in the U.S., while fewer schools prefer their own system or the Coalition application. Whether it's the Common App or another, most universities ask students to submit a personal statement or essay as a crucial part of their application. The college application essays allow students to showcase their unique qualities, experiences, and perspectives to the admissions committees.Let's look at one of the Common App prompts to give you an idea."Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story." Here, students can delve into a personal story or experience that has shaped who they are and how it relates to their aspirations.With a limit of 650 words or fewer, students must carefully craft their essays , expressing themselves authentically and concisely. It's a chance to highlight their strengths, passions, and what makes them stand out from other applicants.Check out more college essays for parents to help your child.
What are some common college essay writing challenges
Here are some common challenges that students may face when writing their college essays:
Choosing a compelling topic
Your child might need help selecting a topic that showcases their unique qualities and experiences. For example, they may need help deciding whether to write about a personal achievement, a challenging life event, or a meaningful hobby.
Organizing their thoughts
Your child finds it challenging to structure their essay clearly and cohesively. They may have numerous ideas but need help to present them logically and engagingly.
Finding their voice
Developing a distinct writing style can take time for many students. They may need help to strike the right balance between sounding authentic and maintaining a formal tone.
Meeting word limits
With word limits imposed by college applications, students may need help expressing their thoughts concisely. They may need help cutting down their essay while conveying their message effectively.
Overcoming self-doubt
Students often need help with self-doubt and worry about whether their essay is good enough. They may question their writing abilities or compare themselves to others, hindering their creativity and confidence.
Editing and revising
After writing a draft, students need to revise and edit their essays. It can be challenging to objectively evaluate their work and make necessary improvements.
A parent's role in the college essay process
It's important that students write their college essays and that you give empathetic support. They may not want you involved. They might also be frustrated with the process or nervous to ask for help. Try to empathize and understand where you fit. Ultimately, accept that they might not want or need help!Here are some tips for college essay writing for parents to help you support your child in the process:
Empathetic support
Understand that writing college essays is a personal journey for your child. Respect their boundaries and provide emotional support. Let them know you're there for them, whether they want assistance or prefer to work independently.
Encourage they start early
Motivate your child to start early to avoid last-minute stress. Emphasize the importance of time management and planning to allow for thoughtful reflection and revisions.
Brainstorming assistance
Help your child brainstorm ideas by engaging in open and meaningful conversations. Encourage them to explore their passions, experiences, and values that could be compelling essay topics.
Provide direction, not content
Guide your child by asking thought-provoking questions and offering suggestions, but ensure they maintain ownership of their essays. Encourage them to express their unique voice and perspectives.[caption id="attachment_3113" align="aligncenter" width="857"]
Image by storyset on Freepik[/caption]
Research expert opinions
Look for credible resources or articles online that provide insights into the college essay process. Share helpful tips and advice from experts to support your child's understanding and approach.
Manage expectations
Discuss the importance of balance and realistic expectations. Help your child understand that the college essay is just one part of the application process and that their worth extends beyond their essays.
Provide resources
Share books, websites, or workshops that guide writing college essays. These resources can provide valuable tools and techniques to enhance their writing skills.
Celebrate accomplishments
Recognize and celebrate each milestone achieved during the essay writing process. Offer praise and encouragement to boost your child's confidence and motivation.
How can you provide guidance rather than content
Here are some ways you can guide your child without crossing the line into writing their college essays for them:
Prompt evaluation
Familiarize yourself with the essay prompts provided by the colleges or universities your child is applying to. Help them analyze and understand the expectations of each prompt, discussing potential approaches and angles they can explore.
Proofread for grammar
Offer to proofread your child's essays for grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors. By providing a fresh pair of eyes, you can help catch any mistakes or inconsistencies they might have missed.
Provide constructive feedback
Instead of rewriting their essays, provide thoughtful feedback that helps improve their writing. Focus on areas such as clarity of ideas, organization, coherence, and the overall impact of their essay. Encourage them to revise and refine their work based on your suggestions. Make sure to read essay writing tips to ensure this.
Advice for rejection letter season
A rejection letter for college is a formal notification sent to a student by a college or university informing them that their application for admission has been denied. It is disappointing for the student who hoped to secure a spot at that particular institution. Rejection letters typically provide a brief explanation or a generic response stating that the applicant's qualifications or fit for the college did not meet the criteria or competition for admission.
Validate their feelings
Receiving a rejection letter can be challenging for your child, and it's important to acknowledge their disappointment. Let them know it's okay to feel upset or frustrated, and assure them that their feelings are valid. Remind them that many successful people have faced rejection before finding their path to success.
Focus on the bigger picture
Remind your child that the college admissions process is just one part of their journey. Encourage them to reflect on their accomplishments, strengths, and the exciting opportunities ahead. Help them see that there are multiple paths to success and that rejection can redirect them toward a better fit for their future.
Explore other options
Use this opportunity to explore alternative colleges or universities that may better fit your child's goals and aspirations. Encourage them to consider different pathways, such as community colleges, transfer options, or gap year programs. Remind them that there are numerous opportunities to thrive academically and personally.
Celebrate future possibilities
Shift the focus from disappointment to excitement about future possibilities. Help your child envision new opportunities, new friendships, and new adventures that await them. Encourage them to stay positive, remain resilient, and embrace the journey ahead.
The big picture
In conclusion, navigating the college admissions process can be a rollercoaster ride of emotions for both parents and students. However, with the proper support and guidance, you can confidently help your child navigate this journey. Remember:
- Validate your child's feelings and provide empathy during rejection letter season.
- Remember the bigger picture, emphasizing that a single rejection does not define their future success.
- Explore alternative options and encourage your child to consider different pathways that align better with their goals.
- Celebrate the exciting possibilities and help your child maintain a positive outlook.
At Lessonpal , we understand the importance of personalized support during critical moments like the college admissions process. Whether your child needs help with essay writing, test preparation, or any other academic support, Lessonpal can connect you with experienced tutors to meet their needs.
Frequently asked questions
Is it okay to write about depression in a college essay.
It is acceptable to share an experience with mental illness, including depression, in a college essay. However, the key is to ensure that the essay effectively demonstrates how they’ve reflected, who they are as a person, and how this experience has shaped them into a strong candidate for that school.
What is the role of the college essay
The role of a college essay is to provide students with an opportunity to showcase their personal qualities, experiences, and perspectives to college admissions committees. It goes beyond academic achievements and test scores, allowing students to convey their unique voices and demonstrate their potential as a valuable addition to the college community. This guide to college essay writing for parents should help you support your child with this process.
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